"When you talk negatively to me about someone else outside of their presence, I feel very uncomfortable. It really hurts me to see people I care about at odds. Please work things out with the person directly and don't include me in this situation."
Practice and repeat the above UNTIL SUCH TIME that I can say it with ease and not feel a bit of guilt for not being a "better listening ear."
Gossip is not okay. It leaves broken people and spirits in its wake.
From now on - I AM going to say the above statement when someone is at odds with another and wants to vent. I simply need to somehow figuratively 'close the door' to those who want to bitch about others outside of the "others" presence. I've seen too much divisive behavior of late and I have decided today: Enough is enough.
I tend to be a "listening ear" when people need to vent because I want to be everybody's friend - I don't want to hurt feelings, I don't want anybody to be "mad" at me.
How old am I, anyway?! Geesh!
The problem is - if you listen to the one side ... and say, "I'm sorry" - and then you listen to the other side and say, "I'm sorry" - I think
both sides think you are on "
THEIR side" ... when instead your intention was to be a good friend - a good listener.
No More! I have finally realized: I don't want to hear any words that you're not willing to say directly to the person's (the individual with whom your at odds') face. If you can't say it in front of the person - don't say it to me!
In order to be a true friend to myself (and, as a result be a true friend to others) - I need to SPEAK the truth. I need to draw the line. I need to set a boundary that politely yet clearly states: "THIS (whatever the "this" may be) is not okay with me. I'm not comfortable with this situation - please leave me out of it."
In a word: Put a STOP to it once and for all.
If this is cryptic - it is intended to be. However, it is another part of the journey that I am realizing I need to take to address things that are not right and speak up if I am put in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable.
The one thing that will be difficult for me is trying to figure out how "friendship" - "true friendship" overcomes these obstacles. Who do you vent to? How do you share your stress and/or frustration if everything about another person is "off limits?" OR - do you build a friendship base around those who have proven themselves trustworthy and who do not press you past a point that you consider inappropriate? That calls for total honesty at the point at which you are uncomfortable.
Total and complete honesty is a must to achieve a true friendship.
I'm not interested in anything less than this in friendship anymore. Friendship is tough - TRUE friendship. For me the process of determining, building, maintaining trust -- it's tough.
I would have thought that true friendship would be the easiest to build. Am I making it too difficult?
Honesty. That is key I think. A person needs to be able to say, 'This doesn't work for me' without being made to feel like a lousy "friend."
I see others that seem to just have the easiest of relationships - without the drama. There are ups and downs in life and we all go through them but lately I have been ready to retire and find myself without the drama. Now isn't the time but the unfortunate goings on really need to stop. I'm being pulled -- rather, I have allowed myself -- to be pulled into the drama in other's lives and I really don't have any clue all the pieces to their puzzles. I just feel that a few people are trying to gather up "support" for their arguments and it's wrong.
Fight your own battle. I don't want to put on the gloves. And I don't intend to sit on the side of the ring and root you on.
Enough is enough.
Take your gloves off, kiss, and make up.
OR - battle it out but on your own time in your own ring.
And may the best man - or woman - win.
NOTE: The true winners will be the ones who take off the gloves, tell the ref to go home - and decide instead, to talk it out.
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