To Touch a Toe!

TODAY 

I, Rebecca Dahlen, can touch my toes with complete and total ease!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If you're new to reading my blog, the above "proclamation" may not seem like a big deal but ... trust me.  It is a big deal. 

To me.

It marks my new beginning.  "Touch My Toes" was the first of many new dreams ... it is the preface to setting, reaching for and achieving MANY dreams to come! 

At 47 years of age I finally realized:  You just have to start with ONE dream!  It ALL starts with one!  :-)  When you begin to work toward believing in and achieving one dream ... [when you acknowledge within yourself that you - and you alone - had the guts to go for it] ... and when you ACHIEVE that dream - your confidence is boosted. 

You dare to dream again. 
     To dream bigger. 
           To dream without fear, without limits, without hesitation!

As you may know (or if you are new to this blog - as you are about to learn), just a little over 7 mos. ago I underwent gastric bypass surgery - Roux en Y.  Prior to the decision to radically alter my body and lifestyle, I had stopped believing in my personal dream[s]. 

Scratch that.  Truth be told - not only had I stopped believing in my dreams ... I couldn't even remember what those dreams were. 

I didn't really care that I could no longer touch my toes, that I couldn't get out of bed without the soles of my feet throbbing, that I could not walk ANY distance (flat ground or hilly) without become instantly winded, that I was completely self-conscious and embarrassed in public with regard to my physical appearance, that my wedding ring had long been placed in a locked jewelry box because I couldn't get it over my knuckle - let alone in its final resting place snug past my knuckle upon my ring finger. 

But the moment that I rose from a plastic chair at Shasta College and saw a large round sweat mark left in the place of where my backside had been - THAT was my defining "final straw" moment!

It looked as though I'd pee'd in my chair when I rose and went to push the chair back under the table.  And someone - a student who had entered the room for the next class - was coming toward me to sit in that same chair.  My chair with the puddle ... My "puddle pee" chair.

Of course I hadn't pee'd and no, it wasn't a puddle.  But it was a large round sweat spot.  Left by me ... because I was so heavy that I sweat when I sat too long.  My body overheated.  It was September in Redding, CA.  Yes, it's still warm in September but sweat puddle in the chair warm?  I think not.

I dropped my class the day after I pushed my sweat spot chair in.  I quit.  To those who knew me I quit because I couldn't hack statistics (partly true).  But to me - in my deepest self - I quit because I was embarrassed.  I was humiliated.  I was ashamed of me. 

I wasn't a quitter.  But I quit.

For many individuals contemplating a major life change such as gastric bypass - their decision to have the surgery is preceeded by what I defined above as a "final straw" moment.  Something happens that causes the person to reach that ultimate "AH-HA" (aka: "UH-OH") moment! 

It's a wake up call.  A jarring incident.  As if having been in a deep slumber while their body and their self-control slipped away - the person has an event that awakens them from their sleep ... that captures their attention.

Something deep inside of me fought to change.  The idea that I would quit because I sweat too much? 

WHAT? 

While my feelings closest to the surface were screaming, "You are a failure,"  You will never change,"  "It's too late for you,"  "You're going to be 50 yrs. soon - who are you trying to kid?" -- something deeper inside said:

"Yes!  Becky, you CAN DO THIS!!  YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  WHAT DO YOU WANT?  Name it!  Claim It.  It is simply a matter of determining HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO CHANGE and WHAT specifically you want to achieve!"

I could hear a sincere longing in myself rising to the surface.  It was simply me asking myself WHAT I wanted ... and why did I believe I couldn't achieve whatever that was? 

Nobody else was saying, 'You can't.'  It was my own self saying, "No" ... to me. 

Isn't that ridiculous?  WHY in the world would I defeat my own self?  Well, I decided I would not.

So -- I am VERY happy to report that I bypassed those surface negative feelings and I latched on to the deeper dream.  I intentionally tuned out the static - the "noise" of the "no's" and I listened to my still small voice that said, simply,

"yes"


I had temporarily given up on dreaming:  Of dreaming of ever being at - or even remotely close to - my personal goal weight, dreaming that one day I would walk and talk at the same time again, dreaming that I could swim, run, play, wear shorts, sit in a class sweatless (ha).

Dreaming that I could touch my toes.

So - though my dream paled in comparison to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s -- I had a dream.

Literally I dreamed OUTLOUD, "I will one day be able to touch my toes."

THEN - I contacted a local bariatric surgeon and asked them to send me paperwork regarding their gastric bypass surgery.  I received the paperwork, filled it out and it was submitted to my insurance.  Within 3 weeks I received a form letter from the surgeon's office and it began with, "We are sorry to inform you ..."

I had been denied.

I decided to be "optimistic" - and chose to believe that it was a good thing that I had been denied.  I would, instead, be forced to work this weight off on my own.  I was sharing this with a co-worker who said, "Don't give up - contact your insurance ... get their advice as to who they would approve - who they would recommend.  Don't take one no as a final answer." 

After work that day I did just that.  I contacted my insurance and asked for their advice.  The first rep wasn't too helpful so after our conversation ended I called back - realizing that I'd probably get somebody new on the next call.  And I did.  And SHE was great!!  She put me on hold and when she came back on the line a few minutes later she told me that our insurance had a history of approving surgeries done with a Dr. Edward Felix in Fresno, CA.  "How far is that from where you live?" she asked me.

I told her that would not be too far at all!

(Hey, what's a 5+ hour drive for surgery?!  ha)

And the rest, as "they" say, is history.  I contacted Dr. Felix's office and began the process.  Seven months post-op I can say that pursuing that dream was one of the best decision I ever made.  Prior to my authorization I determined that I wanted to one day be able to touch my toes again.

Dream #1.

Achieved.

Next dream is in the making -- and, as always, I'll keep you ...

Posted!  :-)

Before, During and ... ('After' will be coming in 28 more pounds)

It's time to go to bed ...

Yes, yes ... I know.   The hands of the clock are signaling that I am way past my own self-imposed bedtime curfew.  But alas, sleep betrays me.  I'm simply not tired yet so -- why fight it?

I figure the reason sleep is evading me is because I have a major (major decision to me anyway) life decision coming up.  I am being evaluated for gastric bypass this Tuesday.

This is a big (pardon the pun) decision and one that I don't take lightly (sorry - this is becoming thematic!)  ;-)

I have already mentioned previously that I have been fighting this battle for over 32 years.  If my insurance company will not cover the gastric-bypass procedure then it will not be an option because I refuse to spend an arm and a leg to lose a stomach!  (ha)

But - I am all about "informed decisions" and I am going to consult with a surgeon approved by my insurance provider to "weigh" (there it is again!) all of my options.

I am learning:  Be careful who you mention this option to.  Almost everybody has a "horror" story that they can't wait to pass on.  I guess that should be something that causes me to stand up and take notice ... this is not a "cure all" or "the easy way out" -- this is a huge decision.

I am looking at this possibility as a "tool" - not an easy fix.  I have seen one too many regain most, if not all, of their weight back because they have not made the necessary lifestyle changes.  I think my mind is in the right place - I realize the responsibility lies with me -- not my surgeon. 

But I am at a place where I want to see where this road might lead ... and I am optimistic that I am doing the right thing to at least acquire more information to help toward making that informed decision.

I don't think that weight loss surgery is for everyone ... but this is a very personal decision.  Not one to be taken lightly but ... one I am seriously considering.

I think the road ahead looks bright and it definitely holds a lot of promise.

As always - I will keep you -

Posted!  :-)

My Name Is Rebecca and ...

ad⋅dic⋅tion – noun

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Hmmm - I've probably said this before but I have, in the past, haughtily prided (is that redundant??) myself on having never been addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs.

But food? Can you really be addicted to FOOD? Who woulda' really thunk it? Food is kicking my butt!!

Today - once again - I resolved to be "good" ... we had a wholesome, nutritious breakfast. I brought carrot sticks and fat free ranch dressing for a morning snack. I had a mini-pita roll with 3 slices of roast beef and one slice lean provolone - oh, and one peach. For my afternoon snack I had a small serving of strawberry jello. By the time I got off work @ 2:15 p.m., I had already consumed half of my water allotment for the day.

Not too bad.

Then I got home. I tallied up my calories and I was at 880 c. Considering I am allowing myself 1200-1400 c. right now - that was "okay" - enough for dinner.

Then I sat down to finish my homework (Stats) - due tomorrow night. I only had two questions to complete ... but I couldn't quite figure them out. It was at THIS exact moment I thought of the frosted animal cookies in the cupboard.

Nope.

Resist.

I waited and the urge passed. Phew - I did it! Then the phone ring. My new OBGYN's office with the results of my blood work ... "Your cholesterol numbers are up. They aren't terrible but the doctor would like you to follow-up with your primary physician as soon as possible to determine how he or she would like to proceed."

What? (Okay, scratch the "What?" ... Honestly, it's not like I can even pretend to be surprised. Of course my cholesterol numbers are elevated ... my eating sucks lately.)

I hung up the phone ... went to the cupboard, counted out 10 frosted animal crackers. That didn't fill me up - or at least didn't fill the void - or whatever it was I was feeding. (??)

I then grabbed two frosted strawberry poptarts ... the eating had begun. By the time dinner rolled around I was at 1500 c., so I told myself I would sit with the family but wouldn't eat because I had already consumed my calories for the day.

Do you think I stuck with that?

Nope.

I had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, two flaky biscuits, green beans ... I don't have a clue where my calorie count ended up for the day .... BUT ...

I do know why I'm not able to lose weight!

I never write down what I eat ... I guess by not writing it down I can "pretend" that the calories didn't exist? What the heck? Who am I foolin' here?

Certainly not my thighs.

I wouldn't think a person could really be addicted to food but ... my eating patterns are unhealthy and I don't exercise regularly.

I walked a few times last week and then my thighs were raw because they rubbed together (yuck - sorry ... I know ... the truth hurts).

Soooo much to learn -
Soooo far to go -
Soooo much to lose -

But I still won't give up ~


I'll keep you posted ...

Everything Old is New Again

New beginnings are SOOO great!

When I came home from Hawaii and stepped on the scale I was shocked to read the numbers 225 in between my two feet. What? How could that possibly be true?

Well - not only could it BE true - it WAS true. I came back to reality after that trip and worked out my 2 pounds per week weight loss graph that I wrote about last week.

This morning I weighed in and I was 212.5 and I realize this is all a matter of perspective ... that number is not close to my goal weight but ... it's down a considerable amount since we returned home on June 13! :-) I was pleased with the accomplishment - at least I took off what was gained on vacation and that's a start. At the very least, we MUST celebrate the accomplishments and give ourselves a pat on the back every once in a while!

I have exactly 87.5 pounds to lose if I want to achieve my goal of 125 pounds. Losing 2 pounds per week, I will reach my goal by May of 2010. If I step up the movement and pay close attention to planning meals, etc., maybe I could speed up the process a bit. I'm really not into quick fixes anymore though. I want to do what works, take my time, learn about nutrition and metabolism and make this a life change.

It's exciting to look at the calendar and see a new day each morning. Clean slate - fresh beginning!

I heard a comedian state that he hadn't had a bad day since the doc slapped him on the ass. I LOVED that one. I think that's my new mantra for a while! :-)

Make this day YOUR best! I know that's what I'm shooting for because we'll never have it back, you know?! :-)

Things I have been told will help in weight loss efforts:

· Use a smaller plate at all meals
· Eat an apple ½ hour before all meals
· Drink iced water with lemon
· Drink iced water with lemon ½ hour before all meals
· Do not eat while watching t.v.
· Do not engage in any other activity while eating
· Eat a light meal before going to a party
· Don’t eat after 8:00 p.m.
· Exercise early in the day to reap all benefits of fat burning throughout day
· Eat mini meals (x6) throughout the day
· Limit meals to 3 main, 2 snacks
· Drink at least 6-8 eight oz. glasses of water
· Watch sodium intake
· Select fresh fruits and vegetables in place of canned whenever possible
· Watch carb intake
· Exercise a minimum of 1 hour daily (aerobic) to lose weight
· Dark chocolate is good for you
· Trim all visible fats from meat prior to cooking
· Grill – don’t fry
· Replace egg yolks with egg whites
· Substitute applesauce for oil in dessert recipes (i.e. brownies, cakes, etc.)
· Get at least 8 hours of sleep each night
· Use relaxation techniques to eliminate stress
· Write everything you eat down
· Plan your meals ahead
· Do not have “a lot” of meal choices – variety is not the spice of life when it comes to weight loss
· Do not grocery shop when you are hungry
· Shop the outer aisles of the grocery store (avoid stores interior)
· Deprivation leads to a binge
· Get your family and friends on board
· Ask for help
· Seek out support
· Acknowledge your successes along the way with non-food rewards
· Be realistic about your weight loss goals
· Never Give Up

If the shoe fits ...

The other day I was irritated with myself. I was irritated with myself because I was not happy with the weight loss program I was "trying on." [I say trying on because I was approaching the "Biggest Loser 30 Day" diet, program .... whatever you wanna' call it - as a "weigh" to lose weight and I was finding it wasn't a good "fit."]

I didn't really realize this is what I was doing when I set out to try it. I figured this was "the" program that would help me finally reach my goal weight once and for all.

Unfortunately - I found this particular program to be too time consuming, too expensive, and too difficult (no offense to the author[s] of the plan).

My first response was to become irritated with myself! I immediately started to tell myself I was just "lazy" - that I was unwilling to take the time or put out the effort required to succeed.

And then! Then I stopped for a second and did something I am trying to do in various situations where I am unsupportive of me: I asked myself what I would tell a good friend who was in my same position.Would I "kick her while she was down?" Would I tell her that she was lazy, a quitter, not motivated enough?

Nope. I wouldn't do that. Instead, I would tell her (or him, I guess) to consider the possibility that maybe this wasn't the right program for them.

I would say, "Don't give up! Don't label yourself a quitter or a sluggard!" "Consider the possibility that you might need to keep looking for a program better suited for your needs." I would ask them to keep looking until they found a better "fit" for their situation, their personality, their lifestyle, their tastes.

What a difference it made to cut myself some slack.

Consider the following analogy:

When I need a new pair of shoes I don't go to a shoe department, pick a pair of shoes off the shelf, try them on, walk around a bit, find them too tight and yet buy them anyway because I tried them on and now I'm obligated. I wouldn't be mad at myself because my foot was the wrong size or I don't have the right taste to accept these shoes. (ha) Who would do that?

I would take a pair of shoes off the shelf (or ask the sales person for the shoes in my size), try them on, stand up, walk around a little bit and test the fit.

If I felt they were too tight, too lose, too ugly, too expensive or if everything "seemed right" but I decided they just weren't the right "fit" for me -- I would say "no thanks" and I'd try on another pair of shoes ... maybe at that shop, maybe at another shop. I'm not "obligated" to buy shoes just because the sales person brought them to me. I'm not obligated to do anything. I'm trying them on. It's okay if I don't like them once they're on "just because." It's my choice!

Why don't we do that with diets? If something is too restrictive, too expensive, too "whatever" - why do we feel obligated to continue? It's okay to move on and leave a program that doesn't work for us behind. We don't owe anybody an explanation - we're not obligated because we signed up, signed on, bought a book, joined a group. Yes, it might be a little costly but seriously - are we not worth finding something that works for us?

I say yes - we are. I am.

Eventually- if we allow ourselves the freedom to keep looking, keep trying things on, if we decide it's not that we have a problem (it's not that we didn't grow our foot long enough or God gave us feet that were too big) .... it's that it's just not the right "shoe" for us! Woo Hoo!

We just freed ourselves TO find the right fit! How liberating is that?!

The key is - keep on "shoe shopping" ... and once you find that "shoe" that fits your "foot" perfectly ...

Never, never give up!

One last thing: I kept first things first and now that my semester is offically over (I got an "A" - woo hoo and yes, I'm smiling!) I can allow myself the joy of ...

Keeping you posted once again ~

'me'

In The Company of Giants ...

It will probably come as NO surprise that we are in the company of some big (pardon that pun) names when it comes to our ongoing battle[s] with the bulge!

If you happened to be one of the millions of viewers who watched "Oprah" yesterday - you already know that her special guest was (the sometimes obnoxious -- always hilarious) Kirstie Alley! You've gotta' love this girl ... she's one of US ... well, those of use who are a part of "The Yo-Yo Sisterhood!"

** HEY!! That's IT! THAT will be the name of this blog ... "The Yo Yo Sisterhood!" ;-) Is it taken already? Quick - somebody please check!! Now, don't you feel special ... you got to be a part of the naming of our group! When we're famous for our whitty banter back and forth about the ups and downs of the pounds, we'll sit together on that Oprah stage and remember THE DAY our name was born! **

But ... I digress! My FAVORITE line in the show was when Oprah turned to Kirstie and said, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'm still talking about it! Can you BELIEVE you're still talking about it?" ("It," of course, being her weight. The fact that "it" was still an issue after all these years!!)

You know ... to be honest ... one of my dreams is to one day be in conversation with somebody I've recently met and have the topic of weight come up. During that conversation I will sneak in the fact that I, "…used to weigh over 200 pounds but I have lost 70 pounds ... " (How do you like the way I put quotes around that statement as though it had already been spoken!? POSITIVE THINKIN' BABY! - but wait - the dream continues...)

... To which the other person will then exclaim, "YOU? NO WAY! I can't imagine YOU ever having had a weight problem!" Then of course I pull out my snap shot (yeah, that "before" photo that I'm refusing to have snapped right now - haha) ... as this unsuspecting soul (who has no clue I’ve been planning this conversation all my life – ha) attempts to pick their jaw up off the floor because they can't envision me ever having been overweight.

I DREAM OF THAT DAY! I believe it will happen! ;-)

Seriously! I am anticipating the day soooo much when I, Rebecca, the fat girl, is thin! [I believe I am anticipating that conversation more than I am anticipating shopping for new clothing!!]

I sincerely felt for Kirstie yesterday. And Oprah. And everyone else (including myself) who has ever felt SO CERTAIN that "THIS" was it! That “THIS” was going to be "the weight loss program to end the need for any future weight loss programs.” Up and Down / Up and Down ... some of us feel as though we live the existence of an elevator! HA

We will never be able to say we're done with this - we can't give up on ourselves and we can't get too comfortable after weight loss has been achieved. (We've all been there ~ you lose all the weight and vow to "get it under control if we see ourselves start to gain even 5 pounds back" - and then, like Kirstie said, "Five pounds turns to twenty five pounds!"

Yep - before you know it!

I absolutely HATE that feeling of being one of those who "gained it all back." It TOTALLY negates that awesome feeling when you've lost weight and someone who hasn't seen you in forever says, "Oh WOW - you look FANTASTIC! What did you DO?! HOW did you lose so much weight?!"

So even though, at times, it might seem difficult (after several attempts) to continue to believe in yourself - I'm here to say ...

We HAVE to believe in ourselves. BELIEF! It's the stuff that dreams and goals are made of!! :-)

Keep on keepin' on and, as always, I'll keep you ... POSTED!

'me'

 

This is NUTS!

I have lost 3 1/2 pounds!

(I won't be checking the scale again for a while - but I'm happy to see my weight headed in the right direction. Woo Hoo!)

Lately I've been focusing in on: 1) Figuring out how to post these blogs about life (& realizing I still have a lot to learn about blogging); 2) Spending the time (more time than ever before in my life) making a serious decision as to what I am going to do to achieve my weight loss goal once and for all!

This is it. I am NOT interested in anything "quick fix" and/or "fad." I am not going to rush this process - I'm going to fix what I have been doing wrong.

Going into this, my final weight loss journey, I weighed in at 211 pounds. I know that I wasn't planning on checking the scale but decided I want to be able to celebrate where I came from once I have arrived at where I'm going to. (Personally, I am always bugged by those who have lost weight who then say, "I don't know what I weighed at my heaviest."

Huh? You don't know?! For reals??! Shoot. No fair! I'm cryin' FOUL on this! I - the cheerleader - am now left feeling gipped. I want to scream, "How can you not know? I NEED to know your starting weight so I can compare it to mine and see if you weighed then what I still weigh now." Somehow it helps me feel more "hopeful" if I know others started heavy and succeeded!

Losers owe us THAT much! haha

So you see: I checked the scale for all of you! (ha)

Anyway - 211 pounds. That is the most I have ever weighed without looking forward to losing 25 pounds following the pregnancy! ha

211 pounds is not okay. That is where I began. This morning I was 207 1/2. Still not "okay" for me @ a height of 5'3" -- but the scale did not go up! THAT is something! Focus on the positive -- that's one of my goals!!

Dr. Phil ALWAYS says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." I needed to acknowledge my starting point. It was tough to swallow but - that's okay. I faced it and now I'm moving forward.

Though I have started with the food intake portion of this my final weight loss program, I'm still fine tuning some things as far as exercise, getting to the root of why I "use" food for enjoyment instead of using food for fuel. I am taking what I consider to be the best of some of the programs out there. I am following "The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart" for the food portion of this program. I am working through Dr. Phil's, "Ultimate Weight Solution" book to deal with some of the reasons I use food for ... well, for the many things I use food for (combat bordom, deal with emotions - good and bad - etc.), and then in a few days I will be adding the FDA approved non-prescription Alli weight loss capsule.

The first chapter in "The Ultimate Weight Solution" goes over the importance of "Getting Real About You and Your Weight." It really IS important to face the music. My favorite line in the book thus far is found on page 13 in the very first chapter, "You've known for a long time that you were going to have to get real about fat or stay real fat."

(Rather than rewrite the book here I will simply say - READ IT. I'm still in the process of reading it but can already recommend! If you have EVER been on a diet and regained the weight you still have a thing or two to learn. And you're not alone. So please - read the book along with me!)

I have so much to say but I need to "condense" so I will suffice it all to say this: This will be a process, a journey. It is an "event" in my life and I am already enjoying it! It isn't going to be easy - and it's not going to be fast. It's going to take work, commitment, time, patience and digging. Digging deep. But I can do this.

I entitled this post, "This is nuts" for a couple of reasons. The first is because I am finding some of the most difficult things for me to pass up are nuts. Walnuts, almonds, pecans. You name it. I really love nuts. And nuts have healthy protein ... in moderation. However, if I knew how to eat in moderation I wouldn't be where I am today. So - I have to learn ... EVERYTHING in moderation. I need to walk away from those nuts calling out to me from the kitchen cupboard and if I cannot walk away - THEY need to walk away - in my hand ... straight to the trash!

The second reason I entitled my post, "This is NUTS" is because I had a dear friend say to me that I was an idiot. An idiot for putting my life on display for others to watch me fail.

Hmmm - I hadn't thought about this blog in that way! (ha) Seriously, I hadn't. And I could totally see where she was coming from. Those who know me well at all know this battle of my bulge has been ongoing for many years.

My track record isn't the hottest for overcoming obesity but ... as Kim Bensen says in her (excellent) book, 'Finally Thin,' "Just remember ... the only way you'll never lose weight is if you stop trying."

About 6 months ago, I thought I had stopped trying. Really. I told myself 'never again.' I thought I was done with diets and that I would just settle for being overweight. I was sick of deprivation, fads, feeling hungry, eating prepackaged "stuff" - etc.

But I can't settle like that. No way. I tried to have a conversation with myself as if I were conversing with a friend like you who was asking for my honest feedback/advice. If I had a friend who was overweight and he or she asked me if I thought they should settle for a life of obesity I would say, "No way - you're so much better than that! You can do this! Don't ever give up on yourself! You WILL SUCCEED."

Having that conversation with MYSELF in the miror made a lot of difference! I told myself what I would tell anyone of you ... keep on keepin' on! Move forward. Never, ever give up!

So - I am keepin' on. If I keep trying I won't fail. I won't give up. I will succeed.

And along the way I'll keep you ... posted! :-)

"Flex Activities"

So -- the finish line is in view and I'm running like a cheetah to break the ribbon ... but the last lap in this particular race (i.e. course) is making make me quite winded! We are required to do something called, "Flex Activities." If you saw me attempting a push-up or toe touch you would know, immediately, that I am not very "Flex-able" these days! ;-)

Okay, so the project for my Psych class this semester doesn't actually require THAT kind of flex-ability but ... nevertheless. Wouldn't you have to agree that was a great segue into a rant about diets? lol

Ahhh - the dreaded "d" word. Yes, I need to be on yet another one. I don't want to be on yet another one. But - I have ceased to weigh myself because I cannot see past my ever increasing belly to view the numbers on the scale. No, I'm not pregnant ~ it wouldn't be THAT simple. I'm afraid this is simply a gestation of Reese's and Oreos and it NEEDS to be delivered in 9 mos. (sigh*)

I finally decided - once and for all - THIS is it. I have thrown down my own gauntlet! I have also decided that it is far less painful to just look in the mirror, admit that I'm no where near where I want to be and avoid the scale at all costs right now. Why deal with a number that screams, "You have at least 75 pounds to lose ..."

It's obvious I am not at my goal weight. When I get close and start to like what I see more ... THEN I'll venture onto the box with the numbers. Until then -- I'll check out the mirror and I will blog. THAT is my plan for the time being ...

I'll keep you posted ~ and maybe, just maybe, I'll post a "before" picture ... ("after" I'm at my goal weight! ha)

'me'