I, Rebecca Dahlen, can touch my toes with complete and total ease!
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If you're new to reading my blog, the above "proclamation" may not seem like a big deal but ... trust me. It is a big deal.
To me.
It marks my new beginning. "Touch My Toes" was the first of many new dreams ... it is the preface to setting, reaching for and achieving MANY dreams to come!
At 47 years of age I finally realized: You just have to start with ONE dream! It ALL starts with one! :-) When you begin to work toward believing in and achieving one dream ... [when you acknowledge within yourself that you - and you alone - had the guts to go for it] ... and when you ACHIEVE that dream - your confidence is boosted.
You dare to dream again.
To dream bigger.
To dream without fear, without limits, without hesitation!
As you may know (or if you are new to this blog - as you are about to learn), just a little over 7 mos. ago I underwent gastric bypass surgery - Roux en Y. Prior to the decision to radically alter my body and lifestyle, I had stopped believing in my personal dream[s].
Scratch that. Truth be told - not only had I stopped believing in my dreams ... I couldn't even remember
what those dreams were.
I didn't really care that I could no longer touch my toes, that I couldn't get out of bed without the soles of my feet throbbing, that I could not walk ANY distance (flat ground or hilly) without become instantly winded, that I was completely self-conscious and embarrassed in public with regard to my physical appearance, that my wedding ring had long been placed in a locked jewelry box because I couldn't get it over my knuckle - let alone in its final resting place snug past my knuckle upon my ring finger.
But the moment that I rose from a plastic chair at Shasta College and saw a large round sweat mark left in the place of where my backside had been - THAT was my defining "final straw" moment!
It looked as though I'd pee'd in my chair when I rose and went to push the chair back under the table. And someone - a student who had entered the room for the next class - was coming toward me to sit in that same chair. My chair with the puddle ... My "puddle pee" chair.
Of course I hadn't pee'd and no, it wasn't a puddle. But it was a large round sweat spot. Left by me ... because I was so heavy that I sweat when I sat too long. My body overheated. It was September in Redding, CA. Yes, it's still warm in September but sweat puddle in the chair warm? I think not.
I dropped my class the day after I pushed my sweat spot chair in. I quit. To those who knew me I quit because I couldn't hack statistics (partly true). But to me - in my deepest self - I quit because I was embarrassed. I was humiliated. I was ashamed of me.
I wasn't a quitter. But I quit.
For many individuals contemplating a major life change such as gastric bypass - their decision to have the surgery is preceeded by what I defined above as a "final straw" moment. Something happens that causes the person to reach that ultimate "AH-HA" (aka: "UH-OH") moment!
It's a wake up call. A jarring incident. As if having been in a deep slumber while their body and their self-control slipped away - the person has an event that awakens them from their sleep ... that captures their attention.
Something deep inside of me fought to change. The idea that I would quit because I sweat too much?
WHAT?
While my feelings closest to the surface were screaming, "You are a failure," You will never change," "It's too late for you," "You're going to be 50 yrs. soon - who are you trying to kid?" -- something deeper inside said:
"Yes! Becky, you
CAN DO THIS!! YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE! WHAT DO YOU WANT? Name it! Claim It. It is simply a matter of determining HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO CHANGE and WHAT specifically you want to achieve!"
I could hear a sincere longing in myself rising to the surface. It was simply me asking myself WHAT I wanted ... and why did I believe I couldn't achieve whatever that was?
Nobody else was saying, 'You can't.' It was my own self saying, "No" ... to me.
Isn't that ridiculous? WHY in the world would I defeat my own self? Well, I decided I would not.
So -- I am VERY happy to report that I bypassed those surface negative feelings and I latched on to the deeper dream. I intentionally tuned out the static - the "noise" of the "no's" and I listened to my still small voice that said, simply,
"yes"
I had temporarily given up on dreaming: Of dreaming of ever being at - or even remotely close to - my personal goal weight, dreaming that one day I would walk and talk at the same time again, dreaming that I could swim, run, play, wear shorts, sit in a class sweatless (ha).
Dreaming that I could touch my toes.
So - though my dream paled in comparison to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s -- I had a dream.
Literally I dreamed OUTLOUD, "I will one day be able to touch my toes."
THEN - I contacted a local bariatric surgeon and asked them to send me paperwork regarding their gastric bypass surgery. I received the paperwork, filled it out and it was submitted to my insurance. Within 3 weeks I received a form letter from the surgeon's office and it began with, "We are sorry to inform you ..."
I had been denied.
I decided to be "optimistic" - and chose to believe that it was a good thing that I had been denied. I would, instead, be forced to work this weight off on my own. I was sharing this with a co-worker who said, "Don't give up - contact your insurance ... get their advice as to who they would approve - who they would recommend. Don't take one no as a final answer."
After work that day I did just that. I contacted my insurance and asked for their advice. The first rep wasn't too helpful so after our conversation ended I called back - realizing that I'd probably get somebody new on the next call. And I did. And SHE was great!! She put me on hold and when she came back on the line a few minutes later she told me that our insurance had a history of approving surgeries done with a Dr. Edward Felix in Fresno, CA. "How far is that from where you live?" she asked me.
I told her that would not be too far at all!
(Hey, what's a 5+ hour drive for surgery?! ha)
And the rest, as "they" say, is history. I contacted Dr. Felix's office and began the process. Seven months post-op I can say that pursuing that dream was one of the best decision I ever made. Prior to my authorization I determined that I wanted to one day be able to touch my toes again.
Dream #1.
Achieved.
Next dream is in the making -- and, as always, I'll keep you ...
Posted! :-)
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