:-)

This morning I finally saw a number under 150 pounds.  Okay, it was 149 ... so not "that much" under 150 pounds but ... I'll take it!  ;-)

I have 24 pounds left to go before reaching my personal goal of 125 pounds ... that's do-able and this makes me smile!

I definitely think the workouts and training are helping ... I'm finding that weight loss is becoming secondary to exercise right now (i.e. - I'm not thinking so much about losing pounds as I am about getting in shape, toning up, preparing for a future race).  As a result, a fun side effect of the training and movement is weight loss and getting to my ultimate goal faster!  Woo Hoo.

Yep!  That's a good thing.

I'm all out of words for now but, as always, I'll keep you ...

'posted'!  ;-)

YOU are HERE ...

I feel like I spent the entire evening in bed last night tossing and turning.  I am certain I actually DID sleep at some point because I can remember vivid dreams about adventure racing (of course yours truly was the adventurer!- ha) - but I feel sooo unbelievably tired today nonetheless!!

My brain has been mulling over a bazillion ideas in an effort to more specifically define what I want out of this life! 

• Who am I and what exactly do I want?  (Great book with a similar title written by Shad Hemstetter by the way ... but I digress!).  ;-)
• What are my personal dreams, goals, aspirations?
• What do I want to accomplish with the rest of my time on this earth?
• How can I reach out to others and positively impact this world while at the same time fulfilling my own personal dreams (in other words - how can I balance out becoming my best self without becoming so self-centered I don't make a positive mark on this earth while I'm here)?
• How do I want my life to change (what does my life's blueprint look like following Roux en Y surgery) once I achieve my personal weight loss goals?
• How do I see exercise playing an active (pardon the pun) role in my lifestyle now?
• How am I going to assure myself that exercise and fitness become a part of my life from here on out and that adding exercise right now isn't a temporary means to an end that will fade into the background once I reach my "ultimate" goal weight?
• Is there any career that I could get into (i.e. personal training, freelance writing, etc.) that would enable me to fully embrace this new healthy lifestyle so much that it becomes deeply engrained in everything I do - as opposed to it being a temporary endeavor?
• What do I want to do adventure/endurance racing wise?  I want to define this - to nail it down!
• What type of activity(ies) do I - me, myself & I - personally & genuinely enjoy?  What might I like to do that incorporates movement and exercise and endurance while at the same time being something I would stick with over the long term?
• Once I have determined that I want to compete in a marathon, or a triathlon, or a bike-a-thon .... etc., what charity would I like to become involved in?  I would like to be driven to succeed with a fundraising goal and charity at the forefront of my endeavor(s).  What does that look like?  What group do I feel a deep passion for?

I am trying to be very specific as I go through the process of naming what it is I want to accomplish.  If I can't name it I can't claim it.  [I absolutely LOVE that saying!] 

I am working hard to decide what it is I am willing to dedicate my time and effort to bring about positive change.  I want to decide what my overall objective is?  I think if I really have a purpose for setting out to do something (i.e. - running a marathon, a triathlon, exercising with a personal trainer, etc.) my follow-through will be better because each time I slip on sneakers and get going it will be a step closer to achieving my goal.  I need to know what that goal (those goals!) truly are.

One thing I know for sure - I do not want this process in any way to be an attempt to reach someone else's dream of what my life should look like.  At the same time - I don't want to be so self-centered that I fail to positively impact other's around me. 

I am learning that I TOTALLY LOVE to see people happy and excited and achieving their dreams and goals!!  I love it when others are jubilant over their personal accomplishments!!  I felt an unbelievable amount of joy watching those Ironman participants crossing their finish lines yesterday!!  I've never done drugs but that must be what a natural high feels like ...

I swear - it REALLY made me HAPPY to see them so proud of their accomplishments.  I was somewhat surprised at how GREAT it felt every time one of the athletes crossed the finish line.  It brought me JOY!  How can I incorporate this type of experience into my every day life? 

In what way might I be able to change my career so that it fits into the over all picture of my personal best?  What type of endurance racing do I want to get involved with?  (This question truly is a matter of what, not if now!  :-)

Truth be told though - I have never pictured myself the type to participate actively in sports but I would love to bring awareness to a cause like optic nerve damage - something that I have a personal connection to because of Daniel.

I have found that, when I go to look at marathons and triathlons to compete/participate on behalf of a "cause" - the issue of optic nerve damage/stem cell research in this area/optic nerve regeneration, etc. ... it is practically non-existent.  And THIS is the one cause I can tell would get me busy!!!

I find myself wondering:  How will my son ever be able to regain his vision if no emphasis is being placed on this one cure we have been told has not been "invented" yet but could potentially help restore vision ... an optic nerve transplant!?

I am certain that my boy is not the only one in this world who suffered an illness at a young age that caused brain swelling resulting in permanent optic nerve damage and vision loss.  Where are the others out there?  This issue needs to be brought out and if not me ... then who??

Maybe I'm the one to do it ...

It seems huge and way beyond me but ... everybody has a cause.  I'm out to find mine.

As always - as I'm searching - I'll keep you ...

posted

To Touch a Toe!

TODAY 

I, Rebecca Dahlen, can touch my toes with complete and total ease!

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If you're new to reading my blog, the above "proclamation" may not seem like a big deal but ... trust me.  It is a big deal. 

To me.

It marks my new beginning.  "Touch My Toes" was the first of many new dreams ... it is the preface to setting, reaching for and achieving MANY dreams to come! 

At 47 years of age I finally realized:  You just have to start with ONE dream!  It ALL starts with one!  :-)  When you begin to work toward believing in and achieving one dream ... [when you acknowledge within yourself that you - and you alone - had the guts to go for it] ... and when you ACHIEVE that dream - your confidence is boosted. 

You dare to dream again. 
     To dream bigger. 
           To dream without fear, without limits, without hesitation!

As you may know (or if you are new to this blog - as you are about to learn), just a little over 7 mos. ago I underwent gastric bypass surgery - Roux en Y.  Prior to the decision to radically alter my body and lifestyle, I had stopped believing in my personal dream[s]. 

Scratch that.  Truth be told - not only had I stopped believing in my dreams ... I couldn't even remember what those dreams were. 

I didn't really care that I could no longer touch my toes, that I couldn't get out of bed without the soles of my feet throbbing, that I could not walk ANY distance (flat ground or hilly) without become instantly winded, that I was completely self-conscious and embarrassed in public with regard to my physical appearance, that my wedding ring had long been placed in a locked jewelry box because I couldn't get it over my knuckle - let alone in its final resting place snug past my knuckle upon my ring finger. 

But the moment that I rose from a plastic chair at Shasta College and saw a large round sweat mark left in the place of where my backside had been - THAT was my defining "final straw" moment!

It looked as though I'd pee'd in my chair when I rose and went to push the chair back under the table.  And someone - a student who had entered the room for the next class - was coming toward me to sit in that same chair.  My chair with the puddle ... My "puddle pee" chair.

Of course I hadn't pee'd and no, it wasn't a puddle.  But it was a large round sweat spot.  Left by me ... because I was so heavy that I sweat when I sat too long.  My body overheated.  It was September in Redding, CA.  Yes, it's still warm in September but sweat puddle in the chair warm?  I think not.

I dropped my class the day after I pushed my sweat spot chair in.  I quit.  To those who knew me I quit because I couldn't hack statistics (partly true).  But to me - in my deepest self - I quit because I was embarrassed.  I was humiliated.  I was ashamed of me. 

I wasn't a quitter.  But I quit.

For many individuals contemplating a major life change such as gastric bypass - their decision to have the surgery is preceeded by what I defined above as a "final straw" moment.  Something happens that causes the person to reach that ultimate "AH-HA" (aka: "UH-OH") moment! 

It's a wake up call.  A jarring incident.  As if having been in a deep slumber while their body and their self-control slipped away - the person has an event that awakens them from their sleep ... that captures their attention.

Something deep inside of me fought to change.  The idea that I would quit because I sweat too much? 

WHAT? 

While my feelings closest to the surface were screaming, "You are a failure,"  You will never change,"  "It's too late for you,"  "You're going to be 50 yrs. soon - who are you trying to kid?" -- something deeper inside said:

"Yes!  Becky, you CAN DO THIS!!  YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  WHAT DO YOU WANT?  Name it!  Claim It.  It is simply a matter of determining HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO CHANGE and WHAT specifically you want to achieve!"

I could hear a sincere longing in myself rising to the surface.  It was simply me asking myself WHAT I wanted ... and why did I believe I couldn't achieve whatever that was? 

Nobody else was saying, 'You can't.'  It was my own self saying, "No" ... to me. 

Isn't that ridiculous?  WHY in the world would I defeat my own self?  Well, I decided I would not.

So -- I am VERY happy to report that I bypassed those surface negative feelings and I latched on to the deeper dream.  I intentionally tuned out the static - the "noise" of the "no's" and I listened to my still small voice that said, simply,

"yes"


I had temporarily given up on dreaming:  Of dreaming of ever being at - or even remotely close to - my personal goal weight, dreaming that one day I would walk and talk at the same time again, dreaming that I could swim, run, play, wear shorts, sit in a class sweatless (ha).

Dreaming that I could touch my toes.

So - though my dream paled in comparison to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s -- I had a dream.

Literally I dreamed OUTLOUD, "I will one day be able to touch my toes."

THEN - I contacted a local bariatric surgeon and asked them to send me paperwork regarding their gastric bypass surgery.  I received the paperwork, filled it out and it was submitted to my insurance.  Within 3 weeks I received a form letter from the surgeon's office and it began with, "We are sorry to inform you ..."

I had been denied.

I decided to be "optimistic" - and chose to believe that it was a good thing that I had been denied.  I would, instead, be forced to work this weight off on my own.  I was sharing this with a co-worker who said, "Don't give up - contact your insurance ... get their advice as to who they would approve - who they would recommend.  Don't take one no as a final answer." 

After work that day I did just that.  I contacted my insurance and asked for their advice.  The first rep wasn't too helpful so after our conversation ended I called back - realizing that I'd probably get somebody new on the next call.  And I did.  And SHE was great!!  She put me on hold and when she came back on the line a few minutes later she told me that our insurance had a history of approving surgeries done with a Dr. Edward Felix in Fresno, CA.  "How far is that from where you live?" she asked me.

I told her that would not be too far at all!

(Hey, what's a 5+ hour drive for surgery?!  ha)

And the rest, as "they" say, is history.  I contacted Dr. Felix's office and began the process.  Seven months post-op I can say that pursuing that dream was one of the best decision I ever made.  Prior to my authorization I determined that I wanted to one day be able to touch my toes again.

Dream #1.

Achieved.

Next dream is in the making -- and, as always, I'll keep you ...

Posted!  :-)

It's Time To Exercise ... (to exercise patience, that is!)

Pla·teau /plæˈtoʊ or, especially Brit., ˈplætoʊ/ Show Spelled [pla-toh or, especially Brit., plat-oh]
- to reach a state or level of little or no growth or decline, esp. to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off: After a period of uninterrupted growth, sales began to plateau.
- to cause to remain at a stable level, esp. to prevent from rising or progressing:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, I'm fighting just a little bit of discouragement this morning because my scale is moving slower and I've been stuck in the 160's for one month now.  I have heard that plateaus are common at this point but hearing about it and experiencing it are quite different.

I was 160.4 this morning ... soooo close to breaking out of the 160's ... and yes, I know it will happen.  I just don't know when and, of course, I want it now ... (my good ol'  "microwave mentality"  working overtime). 

When I really stop to think about it, I think the real "issue" I'm dealing with is confidence that it will happen.  I can exercise patience while going through this process [I wonder if this type of exercise burns calories? ;-) ] -- I just need not panic and/or lose confidence in myself and/or my surgery.

I purchased a book (it should be arriving within the next two weeks) entitled, "The Emotional First + Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery."  It was more than I cared to spend on a book but it was chock full of information that I think will an extremely beneficial in helping me continue forward with the right perspective, answer questions common to those who have undergone this procedure, keep on keepin' on. 

The one thing I do not want to overlook during this process is the amount of learning and growing taking place.  I have learned - and am learning - sooo much about myself, about nutrition, about the benefits of exercise, about finding out what really makes me happy, what hobbies I like, how I want to spend my time.  I find myself reassessing my goals and my priorities -- knowing full well that losing weight isn't this panacea for all of life's issues.  Life is great, life is work, life is fun, life is hard, life is challenging, life is rewarding. 

Becoming a thinner person on the outside really isn't a cure-all for boredom, for low self-esteem, etc.  I think many people go into this life change (gastric bypass) believing it will fix whatever is bothering them.  I'm certain that, initially, I felt the same.  Fortunately, I had very beneficial pre-surgical counsel that enabled me to address some of the reasons I used food for more than nutrition/sustenance. 

Maybe it's true that "once upon a time" I used food as a comforter, a reliever of boredom, a "drug" if you will.  I was younger then ... it served a purpose.  Unfortunately, at 14 (the point at which I can remember using food for the first time to make me feel better), I didn't have the life experience to know that a break-up with a boy really wasn't the end of the world.  I know now that it's okay to be sad when sad things happen ... you don't have to put up a false bravado.  As the song says, "Everybody hurts sometimes." 

When I was younger I placed this unrealistic, self-imposed expectation on myself that it wasn't "okay" to show emotion when you were hurting.  I don't really know why I felt this way - I just did.  I can distinctly remember being so embarrassed the day after this boy broke up with me ... I didn't want anybody to know I was sad.  I was embarrassed about my feelings and, even though I'd been up all night crying, I can remember splashing my face with cold water and putting baby powder under my eyes on my cheeks to hide the puffiness - and of course using Visine to ... "get the red out!"  [ha]  Seriously -- WHY couldn't I just admit what I was feeling and say, "No - he broke up with me on the phone last night."  Break up's happen to teens alllll the time but - I felt ashamed, embarrassed ... embarrassed at having been "dumped" and ashamed that I wasn't stronger in dealing with my feelings.  Maybe just a good cry and a talk with my best friend would have been the key to a lifetime of much better health and ... much smaller thighs?  :-) 

Live and learn.  I am learning to cut myself some slack now ... I was young.  I didn't know any better.  I kept things to myself.  I "used" food to make me feel better.  I can so vividly remember eating sooo much food that summer - I was quite a bit heavier in 1 mos. time.  This is probably all "repeat" information ... I don't know.  But anyway ...

The bottom line is that, when you know to do better - you do better.  I may not have known better at 14 years of age how to deal with my emotions - good and bad - but I know better now.  There are so many healthier ways to respond to feelings and emotions - whether they be positive or negative, be it boredom, joy, frustration ... and overeating is not the healthy way to deal with any of those.

Anyway - so here I sit.  So close to breaking the 160 pound mark I can (pardon the pun) - taste it!  [lol] 

All of my personal goals are within reach and I will reach them!  As to this plateau ... maybe it will break  tomorrow, maybe by Friday, maybe within a few weeks ... heck, maybe this plateau will last another month ... who knows!?!  But ...

If I work my plan -- my plan will work. 

It will.  It's time to exercise patience - and I will remember my favorite verse - the one that has never failed to make me feel better, to help me to regain my perspective, to remind me to rest and put my faith back in God - where it belongs - and pay attention to what is really important: 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) 

That's all for this morning but, as always, I'll keep you ...

Posted