I'm a ...

... "40 something wife and mom ..."


 Hmmm - am I?  Well, for a little while longer that profile description applies.  However - it's almost time for an update because in about a month the age thing will change.  (OUCH*)

Yep, I'm turning 50. 

Never in my life has an age gotten under my skin but now I'd have to admit it is a little bit ... perhaps that is because, for the first time IN my life, my skin is much more saggy!  lol

Fifty is "okay" - I mean, I'm happy to be alive (so thankful for this life I've been blessed to live!).  I guess the thing about turning 50 is the realization that I have lived more than half of my life and I don't have another 50 in the works.  When I turned 40 there was still the chance that I had another 40 in the making and that was fine with me.  But that's not (realistically) the case when you hit 50 as I highly doubt I'll see the big 1-0-0.  I mean, it could happen, yes -- but probably not.  And while I'm completely okay with that - it's just weird. 

This is the year that I realize how quickly time has passed and continues to pass.  My dad has passed away (something I somehow convinced myself would never happen in my lifetime thanks to an on into adulthood childhood belief that the rapture would take place!).  All three of my children are now 18 years of age.  My youngest child is graduating this Friday night. 

Empty Nest.
Turning 40.
Going through the loss of a parent.
My youngest shipping off to boot camp in San Diego ON my fiftieth birthday.

There's a lot I'm digesting right now.  I am not sure I would describe this feeling as one of sadness.  It's quite hard to put into words.

Right now I am really just reflecting on how I spend my time. 

It's definitely a time to reevaluate.

I always dreamed of being a wife and mom and now the child rearing part of the "mom" job is coming to a close.  That I do feel sad about.  I am happily married and that helps going into this new stage of life.  My husband and I have never had a life alone together.  Unlike the traditional family where the husband and wife marry before kids and have some time alone prior to their arrival, my incredible husband walked in to a ready made family and has cared for each of us since the day we began our life together as husband and wife.  Actually, he showed us all loving care quite a while before the actual wedding date.  There really aren't many men in this world like my Chuck.  He is a loving, warm man.  So even though we did things a bit backwards as far as time without children living in the home, it will be something exciting to have the house to ourselves and be a couple for the first time sans children.

But I will MISS the kids so much.  I feel for people who have multiples at the same time ... at least in my case I've had a break between children moving out of the nest and going on their own.  That time between kids moving on has given me an opportunity to adjust - to know what to expect somewhat.

And yet I'm not sure a mom is ever prepared to send her last child out into the world.  It happens - it has to happen - you want it to happen for your kids. 

But still ...

Anyway - moving on.  I thoroughly enjoyed the "Deliberate Days" of writing in May.  Turning the television off more often and picking up a book (I got a lot of reading done!) and/or writing on this blog ... it turned out to be a GREAT use of my time.  I really enjoyed the month of May.

I want to live deliberately from now on ... I want to live a "daily deliberate" life.  Maybe that's what I will call my column (yeah, the one I'm dreaming of writing).  ;-)

Life is short --> Life is not a dress rehearsal --> There are no do-overs, just do-betters.

PS --> Eat chocolate.