... don't blink!

She practically bulldozed her way into my hospital room (and she must have been filling in for someone because I’d not seen her before). This snarky little twit of a nurse stared condescendingly down at my bed and said - with almost a snarl - ‘Oh My Gawwwwd! Put that poooor child back in her basinette! You are going to spoil her before you even get her home!”

Huh?
What?

WHO was she and WHAT was she saying?? There I was – twenty five years young and pretty much fresh outta the delivery room following the birth of my adorable baby girl (via a tough and unexpected emergency cesarean section) – just hours earlier.

I was thinking to myself, “Put her down? Spoil her? Don’t you realize I waited 25 years to hold her in my arms?” (I thought some other things but they really aren’t fit to print!) Whatta snot! Anyway -- the next time I saw this particular “care giver” (cough*cough*) was a few days later. I had my “food tray” pulled as close to my chest as I could get it while still cradling my daughter in my left arm so I could use my right arm to finish filling out my election ballot when …

Uh oh! The snark came back in (ha).

I actually tried to HIDE my daughter underneath the food tray! ;-) Not one to hold back on her (unsolicited) advice she huffed, “Well - pffft - I see you follow directions well.”

I pushed my tray back and without even acknowledging her comment I stood and waddled over to my daughter’s basinette. I laid her in the little bed and stared down at her for who knows how long – I just didn’t want to put her in there! Behind me I heard snarks haughty words, “There! Now that’s a good girl. Trust me -- you’ll thank me one day.”

I got back in bed, she took my vitals (I’m pretty sure my blood pressure was elevated at that minute) and she walked out of the room. I kept looking at my baby as she lay quietly resting. I completed my ballot and looked over at Kimberly who continued to lay quietly in that basinette. Sure, she was fine. She didn’t need me to hold her. But -- I wanted to go get her. I just felt so sheepish about Atilla coming back in the room so -- I stayed put. And I felt sad.

Not even 30 seconds later another nurse with the same colored print scrub top strolled quietly in to my room. Without a word – without even a glance my way – she went to the basinette; gently lifted my little girl up. Then she walked over to my bed, winked at me, put my baby in my arms, sat on the edge of my bed and said the following in little more than a soft whisper (and I promise you – the following is SO close to verbatim I am going to take the liberty of using quotes … it’s THAT close to her exact words):

“Here’s a little more unsolicited advice, Sweetie. You’ll do fine. And whether or not your little girl is content in that basinette or not … hold her when you wanna. Hold her when you can. Hold her when she’s crying. Hold her when she’s smiling. Hold her when you’re sleepy. Hold her when she’s sleepy. Hold her when she’s awake. Hold her when you’re awake. Hold her when she’s cranky. Hold her when you’re cranky. Hold her: Whenever/wherever. And sister – for the rest of your life just trust me – you will have people giving you their opinions of how to raise your baby. Some of those well meaning people will offer their feedback when you ask for it – other’s will offer their feedback even though you don’t want it. I just gave you my feedback and Miss Priss before me offered her feedback.”

She took a quick breath and continued, “Your mission – should you choose to accept it (wink* wink*) is to weed through ALLLLL of the words you will hear over the next 18 years – and decide for yourself what works for you. And above all else … DON’T BLINK! They will be grown before you know it!”

I swear to you – as I write these words down – I can remember this entire interaction as clear as day. She reached over to where my daughter was now comfortably cradled in my arms [staring up at me with the most endearing gaze – ha] and this dear nurse gently patted my new to me little girl’s arm, then continued – almost longingly –

“You know, my little boy turned four yesterday. He’s a love bug and he used to really like to snuggle! But now? Ha ha - NO WAY! NOW he wants to play and be rough and tumble. He’s too macho to nestle onto my lap and into my arms for a hug. Sometimes, at bed time – or when he’s running a fever – he’ll let me steal some cuddle time but for the most part – he’s done with that, thank you very much! And already I wish I could turn back the clock. But I can’t. And every day I watch him play with Lego's and matchbox cars I thank the good guy upstairs that I had the foresight to realize my time to hold and snuggle would be short lived.

Take these words with a grain of sand if you will but at least hear this much – THIS LITTLE GIRL IS YOURS – to have and to hold – until she’s grown. We really only have a short time to snuggle, cuddle, and read them their favorite books. Try to savor each and every moment and just do me ONE favor … don’t wish it away. Don’t blink.”

--------------------------
What a sweet, sweet person. And when she walked out of my room, I think I actually looked to see if maybe wings were being smooshed under her scrub top! (ha) Sooo many times over the years I have longed for an opportunity to thank her. But I have to be content and hope that karma smiled on her in some special way over the years!

But you know what? I did continue to hold my daughter that day – and when snarky sue came back in and told me to put her down I defiantly said, “No.” I said it with allll of the will and determination I could muster and I learned a lot that day. The look of shock on Attila’s face was pretty priceless and I must say I felt my first sense of empowerment as a mom!

From that moment on – I held my little girl wherever and whenever I wanted to. I approached babyhood the same way when her first brother arrived on scene two years later and then when her second brother arrived five years after her first brother. J And you know what – they all turned out okay. At ages 24, 22 and 18 respectively – none of them are nursing today, they are all potty trained – and they are sharp, great people! I did something right!

But … somewhere along the line … in the busy-ness of life … I forgot the nurse’s words *her warning if you will* because for one instant I forgot and …

I blinked. (sigh*)

And this coming weekend the last of my birdies – that first baby girls littlest baby brother – will be shipping off to boot camp.

It is now almost a full twenty five years after that memorable day back in the hospital when a sweet nurse told me to cherish the days because they would fly by. And - they - flew.

My friend … THEY F-L-E-W.

And this afternoon here I sit – in front of a computer – writing to you about those early days because …

… because I want YOU to know … this day that you are living will be over before you know it. The stresses of your morning, your mounds of laundry, the endless sticky mess on your kitchen floor, the ring around your tub, the sink full of dishes, the crayon marks on your wall(s?) and ... the milk on your table near a half eaten bowl of Cheerios …

All too soon these will be a thing of the past.

And I can guarantee … you WILL miss these minutes! In only a few days my house will be very quiet.

*Deafeningly quiet.

So as I prepare for the silence and get ready to turn the page into a new chapter of this book that is my life allow me if you will to share some *unsolicited* advice, okay? ;-)

For You:

• The mom at home who is in the midst of chaos or calm.
• The mom who has to glean through oodles of unsolicited advice on a daily basis and try to decipher what will work best for you.
• The mom who is so exhausted she doesn’t know how she will make it through the day.
• The mom who is wide awake with worry because baby has just spiked yet another fever, or is cutting the first (or yet another) tooth, having another tantrum or – much to your chagrin – just pooped the mustard out of her diaper as you’re headed to your first portrait setting. (Did I mention you were already running late?)

Ahhh – I’ve been there my friend. And I don’t think I’m exaggerating one bit when I say I’d give almost anything to be back there for even just one day – one minute. I wish I could cuddle my baby, nurse him/her, read a story alongside their potty chair as they are learning to master this important milestone.

Just this past weekend the *gods* were merciful to me when my eighteen year old “bound for boot camp” guy had a house full of teens over. Wouldn’t you know they turned on Walt Disney’s “Peter Pan” (yep, the VHS tape)! Between that and a Pokemon DVD I was able to, once again, listen to the sounds of their childhood and – I’m honestly not trying to be overly dramatic when I say – the sounds were heaven to my ears!

I wish I could say I was the “perfect” parent.
I wish I could say I was patient all the time.
I wish I could say I never made mistakes.
I wish I could say I never spoke out of anger and always disciplined from that perfect place of gentleness and calm. 
I wish I could say I never wished a moment away.
I wish I could say I enjoyed every single moment and have no regrets.

But alas … I cannot honestly say one those things. Because yes – I, too, had my moments and I had my days. But I can say that, looking back, I’m a proud momma and, overall, I did a good job.

My birds grew strong, sharp, determined wings and they will soar successfully outside of the nest – I just know it! And one day if they are so blessed, they, too, will have a little birdie to cuddle. And I will offer my (cough* cough*) unsolicited advice (maybe in the form of this writing!) … and tell them to wade through all of the well intentioned words of others and do what works best for them.

· I will tell them to hold their baby when they wanna.
· I will tell them to always order school pictures even when funds are tight.
· I will tell them not to paint over the penciled growth charts on their wall and … leave at least one of those crayon drawings on a wall behind.
· I will tell them time flies.
· I will tell them to relax because their child won’t go to high school still stuck to your boob; and they will, one day, be successfully potty trained!
I will tell them to pray whenever/wherever.  It's like holding your child - you really can't ever pray too often either!
· I will tell them not to sweat the small stuff and that guy who wrote the book was right – it’s ALL small stuff!
· I will tell them not to use a paddle ball as a paddle (no explanation needed!) and that even one drop of hot sauce on the tongue after a “naughty word” is one drop of sauce too many!
· I will tell them that nobody knows their child like they do
· I will tell them to listen to their gut/instinct. Always!
· I will tell them you will never be as perfect as you want to be.
· I will tell them you will never please everybody so … don’t even try!

And while there are many, MANY other things I will probably think to tell them when that time comes the main thing I will definitely REMEMBER to tell them is:

DON’T BLINK!

PS 
And to that dear sweet nurse, whoever you are/wherever you are, if by chance you happen to read these words just know,

“ I will forever be indebted to you for giving me the fair warning about those early childhood days flying by. You were so right! And I love you for taking time to give me the heads up! Sincerely, A Thankful Mom!”

'DISH'in it out ...

We are currently a 'DISH' subscriber and I really like their service.

However, I have come to the realization that when our last chicken flies the coop we are going to have way too many TV channels in this house for the two of us.  Lately, Chuck and I just haven't really had a lot of time for television viewing.  Ben has enjoyed the NBA playoffs, etc., but really -- it's kind of a waste.

So I am in the process of downgrading our television cable and, come mid-July, I think we'll be saving quite a bit on our television subscription.

The "Deliberate Days" month of May really was good for me.  I have about 4 books that I'm either reading or getting ready to start and I just cannot get enough reading material to satisfy me.  I'm remembering how much I loved reading as a child.  We would go to the San Lorenzo Public Library and I would always look forward to checking out "The Little's" or a book about magic or ventriloquism!  I just couldn't get over the fact that these were FREE for me to borrow ... oh, how I loved the library!  :-)

Writing has also been a lot of fun but I am absolutely clueless where to go with my writing.  I lack skill when it comes to using proper grammar, punctuation, etc.  I also lack creativity when it comes to creating make believe.  Poetry is a breeze but it's not my passion. 

I am working on the short story I submitted to Women's World.  It was rejected (sigh*) and I had filed it away in the 'won't work' folder but then I realized that was a little silly.  Why not just work on it some more - it's kind of a cute story/idea if I do say so myself.  While I don't mind the rejection letter (okay, that's a lie - it did sting!), what I minded was the fact that there was no explanation.  I'm certain that's standard but I would sure like to know why it wouldn't work.  I'd like to have corrective criticism, helpful feedback, advice.  I know a busy/big magazine doesn't have time for that so ... my next step is to enroll in a creative writing course at the college. 

Ultimately I would love to have the time available to attend college at Chico and finish my BA with a major in English.  After that I would reallllllllly love to get my Master's in creative writing ... and who knows?  Maybe this will happen.  Chuck will be retiring in three years or so and if we get some things paid down between now and then who knows what the future holds?  ;-)  Maybe we'll free fly it and try out some new places to live.  I'm not sure California is where I want to live out my senior years but we definitely want to be here and close while our mom's are still with us.  And, of course, we want to be nearby once the grandbabies start to come along.  That isn't in the near future as of right now but who knows when the kids will meet and marry that "special someone"? 

I am looking forward to being a grandma someday and I know Chuck will enjoy that because he never had an opportunity to spend much time around babies and it's something he missed.  We had talked about having one child together after we married 12 years ago but with my having had a tubal after Ben it would have been not only risky at my age but also too expensive.  Chuck has treated the kids as if they were his own while never trying to take away from the relationship they have with their dad and he has been an amazing father figure for each of them.  I really scored in the husband lotto the second time around.

Life has been good to me and I realize with every passing day how blessed I am.  That sounds cheesy and cliche but I'm okay with cheesy and cliche because blessed is the word that fits best.

So here I sit in front of this computer.  My youngest took his last high school final today.  (Technically tomorrow is the last day but he has already completed all of his finals so ... his high school career is behind him.)  Five A's and one B (in Statistics).  If you can get a B in Statistics with my genes coursing through your veins you can consider yourself amazing!!  :-)

Okay so yeah, I am a proud mom.  I'm the kind of mom who bugs people because I could go on for hours about my kids but ... they're just that great.  And yeah, I'll also be "that" grandma who pulls her wallet out and the plastic accordian photo thingy flops down with all the pics of my grandbabies.  I'm just giving you fair warning so be ready to deal with it and nod and say how adorable they are.  Once I get your acknowledgement of what I already know I'll be good to go.  (ha)  Wow - this will be incredible birth control for my three kids should they ever read this blog.  lol

Enough rambling for today - more soon ...

I'm a ...

... "40 something wife and mom ..."


 Hmmm - am I?  Well, for a little while longer that profile description applies.  However - it's almost time for an update because in about a month the age thing will change.  (OUCH*)

Yep, I'm turning 50. 

Never in my life has an age gotten under my skin but now I'd have to admit it is a little bit ... perhaps that is because, for the first time IN my life, my skin is much more saggy!  lol

Fifty is "okay" - I mean, I'm happy to be alive (so thankful for this life I've been blessed to live!).  I guess the thing about turning 50 is the realization that I have lived more than half of my life and I don't have another 50 in the works.  When I turned 40 there was still the chance that I had another 40 in the making and that was fine with me.  But that's not (realistically) the case when you hit 50 as I highly doubt I'll see the big 1-0-0.  I mean, it could happen, yes -- but probably not.  And while I'm completely okay with that - it's just weird. 

This is the year that I realize how quickly time has passed and continues to pass.  My dad has passed away (something I somehow convinced myself would never happen in my lifetime thanks to an on into adulthood childhood belief that the rapture would take place!).  All three of my children are now 18 years of age.  My youngest child is graduating this Friday night. 

Empty Nest.
Turning 40.
Going through the loss of a parent.
My youngest shipping off to boot camp in San Diego ON my fiftieth birthday.

There's a lot I'm digesting right now.  I am not sure I would describe this feeling as one of sadness.  It's quite hard to put into words.

Right now I am really just reflecting on how I spend my time. 

It's definitely a time to reevaluate.

I always dreamed of being a wife and mom and now the child rearing part of the "mom" job is coming to a close.  That I do feel sad about.  I am happily married and that helps going into this new stage of life.  My husband and I have never had a life alone together.  Unlike the traditional family where the husband and wife marry before kids and have some time alone prior to their arrival, my incredible husband walked in to a ready made family and has cared for each of us since the day we began our life together as husband and wife.  Actually, he showed us all loving care quite a while before the actual wedding date.  There really aren't many men in this world like my Chuck.  He is a loving, warm man.  So even though we did things a bit backwards as far as time without children living in the home, it will be something exciting to have the house to ourselves and be a couple for the first time sans children.

But I will MISS the kids so much.  I feel for people who have multiples at the same time ... at least in my case I've had a break between children moving out of the nest and going on their own.  That time between kids moving on has given me an opportunity to adjust - to know what to expect somewhat.

And yet I'm not sure a mom is ever prepared to send her last child out into the world.  It happens - it has to happen - you want it to happen for your kids. 

But still ...

Anyway - moving on.  I thoroughly enjoyed the "Deliberate Days" of writing in May.  Turning the television off more often and picking up a book (I got a lot of reading done!) and/or writing on this blog ... it turned out to be a GREAT use of my time.  I really enjoyed the month of May.

I want to live deliberately from now on ... I want to live a "daily deliberate" life.  Maybe that's what I will call my column (yeah, the one I'm dreaming of writing).  ;-)

Life is short --> Life is not a dress rehearsal --> There are no do-overs, just do-betters.

PS --> Eat chocolate.

Droopy Drawers ...

Yesterday my husband and I were in Raley's.  Ben was still over at a friend's house finishing a final (project) for school and we were, once again, doing a trial run of the ol' 'empty nest' thing.  Happening a lot lately ... it's weird.

Anyway - I digress.  We were in Raley's and for whatever reason, I was thinking about this blog.  I was looking at a few parents with children still small enough to ride in the cart and I was running through the whole, "Don't blink" thing in my head when I had a funny memory surface.  It happened one day about 12 years ago.  Ben was around 6 years old and Daniel was around 11 yrs.  Both of the boys were testing me out ... trying to see if they could get away with wearing baggy pants.  I would have none of it.  Daniel figured out fairly quickly that I thought the pants were ridiculous and that "style" would not make its way successfully into their wardrobe.  Ben, on the other hand, thought he could hold out and, with those long eyelashes that he tried to blink on occasion, convince me over time that baggy pants were THE thing.

One day while in Raley's (I remember we were in the meat department - ha) Daniel and Ben were going back and forth (told you it wasn't all peachy ... we had our not so "Mother of the Year qualifying" moments ... this was one) ...

So both of the boys were going back and forth - messing around, arguing, being loud, etc.  I don't remember everything that happened, just that I was trying (stress TRYING) to shop.  Raley's was definitely not my regular place to shop at that time but for whatever reason we were there.  And it was on a weeknight and everybody was tired, cranky, hungry - probably HOT in Redding.  Apparently I was a distracted shopper because at some point I turned back just in time to see Daniel-pants-Ben!  They had been discussing Ben sneaking out of the house with baggy pants (not sure how I missed that one as that was one of my pet peeves) - but I missed it so Daniel thought he'd teach Ben a lesson.  Daniel told Ben his pants were so loose he (Daniel) could pull them down.  

Ben said, "You can not," Daniel said, "I can so."

Daniel could.

Daniel did.

I FLIPPED OUT!

I was sooo mad - mostly embarrassed - and ... well, you name it, I was.  All I really remember was flagging down the nearest Raley's employee, asking if they would please put my cart (filled with dairy, meat and frozen products by this time) into their cooler in the back.  I explained (after rapidly pulling UP Ben's pants .... thankfully the underwear had remained in tact during the fiasco) that I needed to run home for something and I promised to return shortly and pay for my groceries.

I'm not sure what I did at home -- I'm sure it included the "look" - the "lecture" ... whatever. 

But today - in Raley's - walking through the meat department -- that memory cracked me up!

I just worried soooo much about what others thought of me as a parent, thought of my children as kids ... I worried wayyy too much.  (If I had a "do-over" that'd be one thing I would definitely do-over.  I'd chill SOOO much more.) 

Really - my kids wouldn't believe this but reallyyy!!  I just wouldn't freak out so much about what others thought of me.  As Dr. Phil would say, "Don't worry about what others are thinking about you.  Truth is - they're NOT."

So true.

Although I must confess I still worry (some) to this day about outward appearances ... it's getting easier.  I worry less now that my "baby" is eighteen -- a lot of stress has been lifted as far as pleasing others is concerned.

People just really aren't paying that much attention to the rest of us ... they're too busy worrying about what we think of them.

Time to lighten up -- live life -- enjoy each day ... and recall those hilarious childhood moments that turned into great "remember when" memories! 

Maybe this is why grandparents are so popular with the grandkids.  They exhausted most of their overreacting and worrying about other's opinions during their child rearing years with their own kids.  Now they realize how fast the time goes and they realize what other people think of them really is none of their business.  ;-)

So -- here's to chilling out ... and tight waistbands forever!

A Crush?

I have a confession to make.

Timothy Busfield fell in love with me in the canned foods aisle of Raley's last night.  I know.  I know - it sounds crazy ... but it's true. 

Well, it was true.  Until I woke up!

HA --   I have to say, in all honesty, Timothy Busfield is the LAST actor I would want to have to come clean and admit had a crush on me.  No offense intended but seriously, Busfield?  I mean, he was okay as Elliot on my favorite 1980's show, 'Thirty Something.'  But he was just "okay" ...

In 'real life' he recently married Melissa Gilbert (really Timothy - Half Pint?) and he seems happy enough.  So why in the heck is he showing up in my dreams, asking me to listen to "this new song I wrote" - holding his iPod up to my ear and then telling me, "I hope this moment between us never ends" ... why Timothy?  WHY?

hahaha

Aren't dreams C-R-A-Z-Y?  Some dreams sure are.  Especially those dreams you have that, upon awakening, seemed so real you wonder if what you're remembering was a dream or if it really happened?  I had a dream the other night that I was called into my Supervisor's office because there was porn on my work computer.  Now okay - I KNOWWW there's not porn on my work computer - at least there's no porn that I've been viewing on my work computer - but still, upon awakening that stupid dream seemed so real I almost wanted to call in sick so I didn't have to face my supervisor.  HA

And anyway - if I'm going to have a stupid sounding dream - really subconscious ... AT LEAST put Simon Baker in the dream or for that matter Mark Harmon ... (now there's a couple of dreams for ya) ... but Timothy Busfield?  Ugh - MY subconscious is whacked out!

Yep.  Some dreams ARE whacked out.  And some dreams are funny.  Some dreams are super scary (I had one of those recently as well and I woke Chuck up and told him I wanted to put my head on his shoulder because my dream scared me and, in his sleeping state, he wrapped me up and assured me everything was going to be just fine.  He'd keep me safe and I could just drift back to sleep.  Ahhhh - my husband is THE BEST.  That THAT, Busfield!).

Sooo - here I sit - my Deliberate Days of writing during the month of May are behind me and I still want to write.  About anything - silly stuff, serious stuff, stupid stuff ... stuff.  I love to write.

I love to share my dreams - real and/or imagined.

I love life.  I hope you do, too!!

Have a GREAT Sunday!  :-)

PS -->  Timothy Busfield - you're simply not my type.  But please tell your wife I loved her in Little House!  ;-)

Deliberate Day 31

I got off work early today!!

Woot!  Woot!  My husband and I went to see the new movie, "Now You See Me."  GREAT FLICK!  I hope you'll go see it because it's really worth the time.  Some movies I come out of the theatre wishing I had waited for a Redbox cheapy viewing but not this one.

It was fun - had a twist or two - and it wasn't scary. 

I do not like scary.

I usually only like funny movies but I like movies that are suspenseful - as long as they don't have a lot of jump out scenes.  HATE jump out scenes.

Anyway - I don't have a lot more to say except that this was a great day -- we went to a matinee and then afterwards we went to C.R. Gibbs for dinner.  It was unbelievably DELICIOUS! 

This was a good day - I'm looking forward to having another tomorrow...

Deliberately!  ;-)

Deliberate Day 30

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a concert at the David Marr Auditorium in my hometown. The high school orchestra and symphony (along with some excellent participants from a local middle school’s advanced symphony) performed a special fundraising concert in honor of an alumni student and former symphony member who, at the young age of 18 yrs., suffered a stroke following an injury to his head. This group of young people performed SOOO beautifully I actually found myself wishing the evening of phenomenal music would not end!

Thinking about how I wanted some of those musical moments to "last forever," I watched as many of these teens receive their “final concert” roses from their beloved director. It struck me that all too soon the music would end for some and I found myself wondering how many of the students really had performed their last concert? How many of them would go on to college or careers and pack their flutes, violins, saxophones away in storage like many adults had probably done? That led me to kind of glancing around and wondering about those of us in the audience.  How many of us were once up on a stage playing our instrument(s) and/or performing in a vocal ensemble when we were teens only to realize that, as adults, that's all just part of our “history”?

Why is this? Why do we stop singing, playing, performing? Why do we cease to do those things that brought us joy as a child?

I can remember getting up early every day because I was part of a small ensemble in high school. We had a “0” period and couldn’t wait to get there.  I never had trouble getting out the door early Monday through Friday because we had the greatest director (EVER!) and we had a great sound as a group – if I do say so myself and ... WE all loved singing!

So what is it that happens when we graduate high school (or college) that causes us to put away those things we used to really love to do? Granted, there may have been a few kids on stage last night that performed because their parents “forced” them to be in band, learn an instrument, practice-practice-practice! But from the expressions on pretty much EVERY face it appeared to me that these kids were loving this concert as much as – if not more than – those of us sitting in the “awe”dience listening. One young man (who I have learned received quite a hefty music scholarship to help him in his college pursuits) seemed to be one with his flute … he was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  I wondered if he'll still be playing, composing, etc., in ten years?  Since this is his major course of future study I'm hoping the answer will be yes!  But will it?   

And will these other kids live their dreams or will they get caught up in the buy, owe, work to keep up cycle?  Not that music has to be their thing but ... will they do what they love and love what they do?  Or will they get caught up in a viscious cycle of working to keep their heads above water and go to work everyday wishing they were doing something else?  Worse yet, will they be thirty or forty years older and forget what it was they used to love to do??

Not answering the question today - just thinking "outloud" ...

Deliberately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydj0ijAr2vw

Deliberate Day 29

Today feels like Thursday since we had Monday off.

I love it when the week is short and I go to write Tuesday on a paper and realize it's already Wednesday!  It's those little things that make life fun. 

Life IS fun - I enjoy my life a lot!  Time goes by so quickly -- I wish I could  impress that upon young mother's who don't enjoy these days with small children. 

Don't blink.  I say it often - just don't blink.  They really do grow up in the blink of an eye.  And it's all the little moments you reflect on with joy and happiness and a warm sense of knowing you had a part in something very special during this lifetime!

Enjoy every moment with your family --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 28

Not a whole lot to write about on this Deliberate Day #28 so ... I will share a poem from my upcoming children's poetry book, "Of Pickles, Prunes and Lollipops."  :-)  Here goes:

In a Pickle

If I were a pickle

Living in a jar

I'd have my own shelf in the fridge

And never travel far.

I think I'd be a happy dill

(I doubt I would complain) ...

But after years of chillin'

Life might get a bit 'mundane' ~

I think it is quite possible

That one day I'd be hopin'

To make a GRAND escape

(When someone left my fridge door open!)

Where would I venture after that

We'd have to wait and see -

I'd check my new surroundings out

And plan my 'strategy' ....

Would I want to travel far

Across the ocean blue?

Or maybe stick closer to home?

Whatever would I do?

I think the safest plan, my friend,

Is neither "near" NOR "far" -

I just think I'm most happy living

In my pickle jar!

(rebecca dahlen) 

Deliberate Day 27

Monday, Monday.

My "baby's" last full Monday of classes.  sigh*

I know he's not really my "baby" anymore ... but you know how it goes.  Time just goes by too quickly.  I'm so proud of my kids --

At times I so wish I could turn back the clock and make them all little again. 

I enjoy my kids so much -- I can't think of any "stage" while they were growing up that I didn't like.  By that I mean I sometimes hear people saying, "Uh, I can't stand this toddler stage," or "I really don't deal with little kids well - I can't wait until they're older," or "I wish my kid was little again - I hate the teen years."

I've heard all of those comments.  I really have.  And I've never been able to relate to one of them.

I'm not saying all the stages have been easy.  But looking back (and maybe it's the hindsight thing - selective memory, etc. - ha) ... I just have super fond memories of every single stage.

I was able to be home with the kids until they entered elementary school and for that I will always be thankful.

I am blessed.  Yep - I am one blessed mama!  Thanks God - I really mean that ...

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 26

We've had a house full of kids over this past weekend in celebration of Ben's 18th birthday.  At one point there were 6 guys and 3 girls and lots of laughing, xBox roaring and FUN!

When I was little I really never aspired to any type of career ... well, yes as stated previously on this blog ... there was a time I wanted to be a ballerina, a magician, yada yada yada.  But really - all I ever aspired to was becoming a wife and mom.

This past weekend reminds me of how much - HOW INCREDIBLY THOROUGHLY - I have enjoyed this calling. 

The toddler "mommy" years all too soon turned into the grown teen "mom" years - and the passage from childhood to adulthood is bittersweet for this mom.

I guess every mom feels this way but honestly - I have had the blessing of raising three incredible people.  They are kind, they are conscientious, they are sensitive, they are hilarious, they are moral, they are responsible, they are caring, they are strong, they are independent, they are free thinking.  They are wonderful.  I used to feel they were mine.

They are God's.

Always have been, always will be.

I was allotted a time to have them in my home on a daily basis - to enjoy raising them and loving them and caring for them and teaching them.  God places an incredible amount of faith in parents - entrusting His children into our care for a while.  That gives me a healthy sense of self that He saw fit to place them in my care and had full belief that I could do it.

There have been times I haven't done it right, there have been times I've felt too tired to do it, there have been times I wondered why He thought I could do it ...  :-)

But He did, so I did -- and WOW -- what a ride!

All three of my children are now adults.  And all three of my children are still my children.  I will always love them and care about them and be there for them when they need advice, encouragement == well, whatever they need that will be of help to them as they continue on finding out who they were born to become.

I have had the privilege to have a small part in their walk through this world and for this I am humbled and forever thankful --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 25

Have I ever told you I've never read a book I didnt' like??!  Well, it's true.  Almost.

I wasn't all that impressed with "Gone Girl," written by Gillian Flynn.  The read was pretty good but the ending ... (I won't say more than that incase you're going to read it!).

But I've seriously enjoyed the deliberate reading and writing this past month.  I just finished reading "Fly Away" which was the sequel to "Firefly Lane."  I am so glad I read Fly Away because it tied up a lot of the loose ends from the first book.  Currently I am finishing up, "The Twelfth of Never" by James Patterson - the 12th book (obviously) in his Women's Murder Club (mystery) series.  I'm listening to this on audio and there is a new reader so that takes some getting used to (I really liked Carolyn McCormick - the previous voice over reader), but this person does various voices pretty well so ... she'll do.  :-)

I have about 45 minutes left to listen so that's what I'm off to go do this afternoon.  All the kids are still over - now a total of 6 guys, 3 girls.  GREAT group of teens.  I will soooo miss teen noise, laughter, hilarity in my house.  I think I'm going to have to pay some people to borrow their teens when mine is teen-less.

sigh*

OK - so off to finish a book ...

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 24

hahaha

I'm sitting in my office ... just listening.

I'm listening to the sounds of five teenage (all 18 years of age now that my son had his birthday) boys who are CRACKING me up!

Teen boys gossip as much as (if not more than) teen girls.

You don't believe me?

Believe me!

HILARITY ensues when these five get together!!  Great fun!

They have been friends for many years now and I sincerely hope their friendship continues for MANY years to come --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 23

The court case is now over (phew) and the defendant was found guilty on all three counts.

I don't think it's really necessary to go into the details of the case.  It wasn't that "dramatic" of a case but the whole thing makes me sad.

And proud.

I am sad because this young man wasn't more than 24 at the most.  While I agreed with the verdict - it's just sad.  Most of this case revolved around theft and drugs.

I hate what controlled substances of any kind do to people.  I listened to the testimony in this case and I just felt very sad.

I am proud of our justice system.

I realize we're not perfect but we still have the best system in the world and I am proud.

I am proud to be an American.

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 22

Time Flies ...

Yesterday they placed you in my arms -

It was such a thrill to look into your eyes

What a handsome little boy!

Oh how you filled my heart with joy ...

They weren't kidding when they told me

Time Flies.

There's more to this graduation song but - that's all I will share for today. 

My "baby" turns 18 today ... he is a man to the world - and yes - he has grown into a great man and I am proud.

Yet somehow I still see in his eyes and in his smile that same little boy from years ago.

I am proud to be Ben's mom.

It's time to let him go, let him grow 

Let him be all that he is destined to be.

I'm sure it involves greatness!

And it's tough for me to realize how quickly time has passed ~

But I will let him grow & become ...

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 21

Another excerpt from my poetry book ... (not the one for kids -- this is another I'm working on) ....

In Jr. High my nickname was always 'Doris Day'

"Would you like another glass of cold milk?" ~ kids would say.

For I wasn't one for alcohol, I was not one to smoke ...

(I always blushed profusely if I heard a dirty joke!)

Now I would have to tell you, in all honesty today,

Not a whole lot's changed ... I still prefer old fashioned ways.

I want a man to "cherish" me - and yes, open my door.

Please pull my chair out, too (just don't let me fall on the floor!)

I long to feel protected and I long to feel secure

I want to know I'm needed and I want a love that's pure.

I want to be the woman and I want a real man.

He'll be proud to show he loves me.  For what's right he'll take a stand.

I want to be completely real ~ I want to be "best friends"

I want us to share hopes and dreams - forever - 'til life ends.

Chivalry's not dead - NO WAY - I won't believe it's so

When I find my knight in armor I believe my heart will know.

If I have to wait forever, then my friends that's what I'll do

I will not settle for less in life than a love I know is TRUE!

(Written about a year or so before I eventually met my husband and best friend, Chuck, in 2000!  He is definitely my knight in shining armor!)

Enjoying life with my husband today ...

DELIBERATELY!

Deliberate Day 20

"For the young at heart ... "

When I grow up I want to be ...

a KID again

(ain't THAT funny?!?)

Amazing that we spend our lives

Longing to be "adult"

and

"wise" ...

At "six" we long to be "sixteen"

Then ... twenty-one

(know what I mean?)

To ... 'get that license and drive dad's car'

Or legally enter

That dive of a bar.

I wanted to go on my "1st Date"

Then marry Prince Charming

(Can you relate?)

And now according to the "growth chart"

I'm all "growED up"

(ie:  An Old Fart!)

It seemed like it'd be cool

"back then"

Now I'm ready to be

A KID again!

(rdahlen)

Enjoying writing ...

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 19

Such an interesting case.

I am really happy I was called on to serve a stent as juror on a local criminal case -- although I am a lowly "alternate" and ... I am known as "Alternate #2" at that.  Pfffft ...

BUT - I am looking forward to sitting in on the case and watching each side present their case -- I want to see how "real" court deliberations work - and I have a feeling it won't be anything like what's on television.

But I'm looking forward to returning to the court house this coming Tuesday ...

Deliberately.

(Well, as deliberately as it can be since if I don't show up I'll be held in contempt of court ... little do they know they don't have to force me to participate - I'm loving this!)

Deliberate Day 18

"Make It Real"

(V1)

I've seen a lot of crazy things done in Your name.

I know the tricks behind the magic show.

I've almost thrown the towel in a time or two

and walked away from everything I know.

But I can't fill this emptiness inside of me,

Or calm the troubled waters of my mind.

So if You're really out there and You're listening

Then prove to me that those who seek will find.

(Chorus)

If You can just see fit to show me some of who You are.

If You can shed some light into this broken sinner's heart.

I need to know the truth and I need something I can feel -

I need You to make it real.

(V2)

There must be some good reason why You brought me here.

Through valleys where the shadows hover close.

Down here, there's a mask to cover every face,

But Your sweet face I long to see the most.

So if You think there's just the slightest hope for me,

In spite of all my questions and my doubts,

Then let me hear Your still small voice speak out my name

And let me know what others talk about.

(Repeat Chorus)

- Suzanne Jennings, Michael Sykes. © 2000 Townsend and Warbucks Music, Mal 'N Al Music.

Reflecting on these lyrics -

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 17

(An excerpt from my upcoming children's book of poetry,

"Of Pickles, Prunes & Lollipops")

UP

UP

&

AWAY

We walked into our room one day

And this is what we found ...

The only thing upon our floor

Was CARPET on the ground!

"Oh No!  What happened to our stuff?"

I heard my brother say.

"We didn't clean up fast enough

So MOM put it away!"

You might be thinking

"Lucky guys - YOU didn't have to do it!"

But when our MAMA cleaned stuff up

The TRASH was where she threw it!

rdahlen

(note:  photo above found via Yahoo images/search engine)

Deliberate Day 16

I am on "hiatus" from blogging simply because I have been on jury duty and it's too tempting to write about the courtroom process.

So - instead I'm just writing about other "stuff" and then - once my jury duty is complete - I'll just post all these blogs at one time. 

Why?
Because. 
I can. 
;-)

Sooo - on June 28, 2013, there will be an open casting call for the television show, "Survivor."  I am attempting (as I type) to secure a PTO [paid time off] day to go down to San Dimas, CA, to apply in person.  I have a "jingle" I wrote but I've heard they frown on jingles ... especially jingles set to old tv shows (ummm, sorry, mine is to "The Brady Bunch").  Bummer - 'cuz my jingles really good  - if I do say so myself (which I just did!)  Oh well, I have an alternative audition ready as well so -- wish me luck!  :-)

What I am most hoping to gain from the experience, should I actually be picked for this show, would be interpersonal relationship experience.  Personal relationships are not my strong suit.  I do fine with family members - especially my immediate family - I have no trouble being myself, saying what I think, etc., etc. -- However, I don't do so well cultivating personal relationships outside of my immediate family.  If I were to self analyze this I would think maybe it all stems back to my "preacher wife" days when I was instructed not to form frienships with other church members because of potential jealousies within the congregation that could, in turn, negatively impact my then husband's pastoral ministry.

Pfffft - I think back on that time now and just think, "Whatever!"  The lot of it was pretty much utter foolishnness.

"If I knew then ...."

OK - that's it for today - I'll write more soon ...

Deliberately.

Deliberately on Hiatus

So ... I'm still doing my "Deliberate Days" ... but not posting because I am unable to post my writing.  It will make sense in about a week ... jury, courthouse, etc.

Stay tuned and then check back ...

Deliberately

Deliberate Day 15

Who says jury duty can't be fun?  

I, for one, found this day hilarious!   As I approached the courthouse steps on this overcast day in May, the first sound I heard was a gruff female voice counting to five.  Out of my field of vision my guess was the voice was coming from a stressed out grandmother dealing with a defiant child.  However, as I rounded the steps I saw she (heretofore referred to as Lady - ha - like that?  I'm not even on a jury yet and already practicing my lingo!) was speaking down to a little black dog.  Her five count was actually an attempt to incite her pooch to pee.

Little did I know that was  only the beginning of the "morning show."

A Marshall approached Lady and asked if her dog was a medical necessity.  In a slightly miffed tone she replied, "He most certainly is!"  Then Lady proceeded to tell the Marshall that her dog was the only thing standing between her and a "ridiculous" melt down.  "Trust me sir, you DON'T want to be around me when I have an anxiety attack".  Mr. Marshall said he'd take her word for it.  He then instructed her to take the matter up with the judge to which she replied,  "Oh believe you me - I intend to!"

Shortly after he was out of earshot she turned to those close by and whispered,  "Wanna get outta jury duty?  You can purchase these medical service dog scarves from eBay ... they come in a variety of colors. My Whimpers likes the purple best."

Fast forward to about 9:30am.:  Out of all of the available seating she chooses the seat directly in front of me.  I guess I should be happy - more material for the future novel.  It was at this point that I realize the way my luck was running - jury selection was in my future.

Back to the courthouse:  Lady never stops talking - not even to take a breath!  I am thinking her lung capacity could be a Guinness record.   Little Whimpers (we have since learned he is "almost fourteen") sounds like he has emphysema and I find myself wondering if he's about to cough up a lung.  Ick ...  

Lady says he's faking ... for attention. 
(I had my doubts.) 

But the minute she said he was a fraud ... Whimpers stopped coughing.

Hmmm ... ?

Now a younger woman approaches and when Lady looks up, recognition crosses her face.  She screams.  Loudly.  Everybody around me (including me) jumps!  Lady and Younger Woman exchange loud hello's and hugs and then Younger Woman takes the empty seat next to Lady.  Younger Woman soon proves she is also qualified to join Lady in the Guiness record book (if these two had been "Chatty Cathy" dolls one would swear their pull strings had gotten stuck!).  Younger Woman has multi colored dreadlocks which I found fascinating.  But seriously, she had more of those little bur/stickers in her dreads than my dog Nelson has ever had in his fur.  It took allllll of the restraint I could possibly muster to keep from reaching forward to pry them out of her hair.  Realizing I didn't want to end up as the next case on the court docket I decided to keep my hands to myself.

Phew*

So here I sit - people watching and thoroughly enjoying this experience. 

I do, however, wonder about the whole 'jury of your peers' concept.  And I realize, if Lady gets selected for this case, the defendant might need to be placed on suicide watch!

(When I write my novel,  I promise ... "Lady" and Whimpers will make an appearance ... Deliberately!)

Deliberate Day 14

So I have been sitting in front of the computer ... once again waiting for the muse to show up ... but it's slow in making its arrival.  Quite honestly, I don't have the patience to wait any longer because I haven't eaten yet and ... I'm hungry.

All I can think of to write about is something I thought of earlier in the day.  I had been thinking about my youngest son's graduation coming up and how, a short time later, he will be heading off to boot camp.  I'm happy for him but sad for me.  The sense of pride I feel with regard to all three of my children is off the charts and as much as I realize they have to have the "freedom to fly" ... I am a mom who is not anticipating having an empty nest.  In trying to see the glass half full I have been thinking and thinking and thinking, "Can I think of even just one positive that will get me through this transition time?"  Seriously, hours of contemplation and this is what I have come up with:  I will enjoy not having to wear a bra around the house!  haha

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 13

On days when I have difficulty coming up with something "new" to write I have made the decision to show up in front of the keyboard anyway.  And, if the muse remains silent, I'll resolve to share something that I wrote in years past - Here goes:

In Tranquil Sleep

I saw you in my dreams last night

I so wish it was real

For in my slumber I was free

To share just how I feel

No holding back, no trembling heart

Just passion, fully bared

You gently held me in your arms

Your touch revealed you cared.

We spoke of love, of life, of dreams

We shared our hopes and plans

We walked along the moonlit beach

Such comfort hand in hand.

But morning dawned as mornings do

And with its light I pondered

The dream was just a dream, so sweet

Oh, how my heart had wandered ...

Such tranquil sleep so calms my soul

Propels me to such height

Though now I'm off to face the day

I'll see you, come the night.

(rd)

********
To writing ... Deliberately!