Third Stone's a Charm ???

Had the KUB today ... the results were that the laxative didn't work well enough, the bowel was full, there was too much abdominal gas ... long story short:  my left kidney was not visible at all so -- that KUB didn't help the urologist in the slightest. 

However, he said the CT test was helpful (which is why I really didn't understand ordering a KUB AFTER a CT scan anyway - because the CT scan is the better and more expensive test and it normally comes AFTER a KUB if the KUB is not sufficient ... this was backwards in my opinion but ... who am I?  Certainly not the doc.)  Moving along -- according to the urologist there are actually three stones visible in the CT scan (not two as I was originally told) and he hung the films up on the light board.  He took the time to point each one out to me and I found that interesting. 

Two of the stones (1 mm and 4 mm in size) are still in the left kidney.  The third stone has made its way to the left ureter. 

(I know, I know -- TMI, gross, etc.).  Here's the deal ~ there was still a lot of blood in my urine today but the urologist says these are not large stones and they should pass on their own.  When?  He has no idea.  He sent me home with a prescription for Flomax, told me to add two Tums per day in addition to the other nutritional supplements I am taking daily.  I was given three strainers and asked to try to capture the three stones and, whenever they pass, bring them in for him to analyze what they are comprised of. 

I meant to ask for some nutritional recommendations from the urologist - ideas as to what would work diet wise with a post gastric bypass body.  I forgot to ask him.  :-(  He did say that he is 100% positive what's going on in my body right now is a direct result of my diet (lack thereof) post gastric bypass -- the changes that have taken place with regard to the way my body processes food, breaks (or does not break) down food, etc., etc.  

Anyway - enough of this ... time will help to fix things and I hope it feels better soon. 

I am dealing with waves of discomfort daily -- this morning was a bad morning - this afternoon was better - earlier this evening I broke down and took a teaspoon of Vicodin and it got a lot better within 1/2 hour.  Vicodin is not recommended post gastric bypass because it adds to an already existent problem of constipation.  Case in point - I took those three pills (laxatives) last night and 24 hours later it still hasn't worked completely.  The urologist said he doesn't feel there is a bowel obstruction but there are definite issues in my bowels.

Alright - didn't I just say enough already?

This is the reality of life post gastric bypass.  Would I do it again?  I've already said yes, I would.  BUT - do I wish I could have or would have done this on my own?  Yes, most definitely.

Wow - this is pretty much just a repeat of yesterdays writing but ... I felt like blogging so ... there you have it.

That's all for now but, as always, I'll keep you posted ~

:-)

Choices ...

So I am off to the urologist for another (follow-up) appointment tomorrow.  The stones have not passed - which is not unusual at this point - but the pain ... UGH!

I totally need to work and function and drive, and cook, and provide for my family, and carpool and ...

If you're a mom - you know what I mean.

Yesterday the pain hit about 1/2 hour after I got to my desk.  I knew I had almost 6 hours before I had to drive so I actually broke down, called the lead of our department and told her I was going to take one half of my prescribed dosage (one teaspoon) of Vicodin.  I don't like taking pain medication though ... I cannot continue to have the bowel issues associated with the surgery alone - let alone add pain medication to that. 

And then today ... wow!  The pain came on so suddenly and was SO intense -- I seriously didn't think I'd be able to stand it.  I so wanted to be home curled up but ... I think movement is much more recommended (as opposed to sitting or laying still).

I hope this is resolved soon.  I can literally be feeling absolutely 100% fine one second and then the next second I am doubling over trying to find a comfortable position.  There aren't a whole lot of "comfortable" positions behind a desk chair.

Honestly, I am not a wimp.  I know myself.  I don't want attention.  I can deal with discomfort.  My son, Daniel, was a BIG kid ... and he was (as the OBGYN put it) "Sunnyside Up" which apparently can make even a little and/or average sized baby more difficult to deliver. 

Daniel was 10 pounds 3 oz.!  He was not a "little/average" sized guy.  I can still remember the delivery doc remarking that Daniel could've taken a football and walked himself down to the nursery upon his arrival on this earth!  I can remember Dr. Honeychurch saying, "Make no mistake - you just delivered one BIG kid!".  Just for the record (and this is probably a repeat because it is one of my prouder moments in life) ... I did not have any medication during his delivery whatsoever.  My other two babies were C-sections but I feel like I was very strong during those deliveries.  My first baby, a girl, wasn't a planned C-section and I pushed for quite a while in the hospital before a decision was made by my OBGYN to do a caesarean.  I never yelled or cried or screamed during that labor.  The "worst" part about the delivery was when I felt the need to push and was told not to because they decided I couldn't deliver her naturally. 

How do you stop pushing when your body says, "Sorry lady - but this baby wants out ... NOW!"  She didn't know she wouldn't fit ... she was coming.  I remember feeling afraid because I had seen on some stupid talk show that holding a baby in that wants to come out can cause brain damage.  THAT fear was the only "negative" part of any of my deliveries.  My last son, a planned c-section, turned out to be the "smallest" of our litter (ha) ... arriving at 9 pounds 11 ounces.

So yes - I can tolerate pain. 

This pain is weird.  While it is manageable ... it's just so different from anything I have ever felt before. 

Sudden.  Intense.  Disabling.  Extreme. 

Those are four adjectives that quickly come to mind to describe this. 

Post gastric bypass.  It changes things:  Habits, body size, how your body functions (or doesn't).  Right now I'd still do it all again but ... I do wish I was better prepared for the setbacks and -- this particular pain.

It seems like it would've been so much easier to discipline myself to not have that second helping of food, that cookie, those fries, that extra dollop of sour cream and butter on that baked potato...

Choices. 

It's all about choices.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That's all for now but, as always, I'll keep you ... posted.

Stoned ....

Kidney stones S-U-C-K.

I have NEVER experienced pain like I experienced last Friday and yesterday.  I felt pretty good when I got to work and then something started going down hill.  I went to see my doctor for the second time and she gave me some medication and sent me to a lab for some blood work (after receiving results via a CT scan that I had two kidney stones).  When I got to the lab I started vomiting and almost passed out.  I couldn't drive and can't even describe what I felt like.

Bad.

That about says it.  I hope the worst is behind me but ... neither of the stones have passed yet.  However, I am feeling some relief right now and hope it lasts!  I would rather go through labor again than go through this pain.

I think that describes it best. 

My doctor prescribed Vicodin and anti-nausea medication Friday morning ... both have been helpful and today I really am sensing relief.  I haven't had to take either medication since yesterday morning and I returned to work today and right now I'm just taking it one day at a time.  

I didn't even need pain medication when I delivered my 10 pound, 3 oz. son and I didn't need any meds after my surgery ... did I mention this sucked?  This hurts.

I guess I will know when they are gone (and I hope it is soon!).  Right now my back still aches but it is not anything near like it was hurting before ... again, I REALLY hope the worst is behind me.  I guess I've said THAT enough times now.

Welcome to the world of post gastric-bypass??  Hmmm .... uh oh ...

9 Weeks Post-Op Gastric Bypass

Well, this is a good news/bad news night. 

The "good" news makes me laugh ... and I'll share that second  - since the "bad" news isn't really "bad" - it's just annoying and the good news made me happy ... (that ol' "save the best for last" idea!)  :-)

Here goes:  I haven't been feeling up to par since last Saturday evening ... we went to Applebee's for dinner just for fun.  I ordered a grilled boneless skineless chicken with some new potatoes and some vegetables.  The chicken had these really delicious mushrooms on top (YUM) and the new potatoes were more tender than the ones I prepare ... which means they were really tender.  I removed the skin from off the potatoes, mashed them a LOT -- kind of "wiped" the chicken down (it had some sort of dijon sauce on it) ... and ate just a little bit.  Before we even left the restaurant I wasn't feeling super hot.  Not bad really - just not at my best.  That was the start.

By Sunday morning I felt really lousy ... and it wasn't a feeling I had experienced before.  I had a temperature and a really bad pain on the left side of my middle back -- not down low but right in the middle.  Chuck said maybe kidneys ... I didn't know.  I just told him I didn't feel up to par -- maybe a slight touch of the flu but it felt like the only muscles affected were the ones mid back.  It was that kind of ache.

Anyway - I attributed my feelings to one of two things:  1)  Either the chicken was not setting well and my body was working to eliminate it but was having trouble  or  2)  I had a slight touch of the flu.  Either way I figured it would pass within 24 hours.

Fast forward to this week ... the flu like feeling and temperature have gone but I have chills and feel quite tired.  I actually called in sick to work yesterday because the mid back pain was really severe.  I felt guilty not going in to the office but I ended up sleeping on the sofa all morning until my son called me from college saying he was ready for a ride to be picked up.  I felt exhausted.

Later in the day I finally felt like I could go to the bathroom (I have been practically unable to urinate or ... well ... you know ... for about a week.  In fact, because of part of this problem I started to take a stool softener to see if that would help.  But ENOUGH on that yuckiness.)  When I did finally go to the bathroom there was blood ... a lot of blood.  It kind of unnerved me but then I got to thinking about what was "new" or "different" about the last few days or week, etc.  The one thing I was questioning was the adding of those stool softeners.  I had taken one per day since Monday and the box had said you could take up to three so I wasn't concerned about the amount but ... I decided to check the label and sure enough - one ingredient was red dye.  I figured that had to be what was going on.  I checked the internet and that confirmed that stool softeners can change the color of your urine - making it anywhere from pinkish, reddish, or darker brown looking.  So - I sloughed the blood color off and moved on with the day.  BUT - I still was not feeling super great.

Today on my way to work I had what felt like an excruciating pain in my right shoulder.  That was weird ... I was driving so I readjusted the way I sat.  The other pain I've been having is on my left side in the middle back so I don't necessarily relate the two "aches" but - I was getting annoyed with this continuing on.  Anyway - to make an already too long story a bit shorter - by mid-morning I decided to call my doctor.  I still could hardly go #1 and, even though I'd be TOTALLY embarrassed if this was red dye, I figured it'd be best for her to make the determination since this feeling had been going on since last Saturday night.

I told her assistant my symptoms and even mentioned that I thought maybe a stool softener was to blame for the off color but she said not to be embarrassed if that was all that it was - let's hope it's all that is, etc.

I went in at 10:15 a.m., and she weighed me [that will be the "good" news in this post - but more in a bit!  ;-) ]  She then told me to go into the bathroom and leave a urine sample which I did.  She checked my blood pressure and my pulse which I'm assuming were good because she didn't say a word and usually she says, "Ummm - the pressure's up a little - were you rushing to get here or have you had a stressful morning?"  To which I reply, "Nope - all is well."

Today - no comment after taking my "vitals".  :-)   About 5-10 minutes later (give or take a few minutes) the doctor came in and she said, "So, Rebecca - what's going on ... what are your symptoms?"  I told her what I'd been feeling and she proceeded to stand up and come over to where I was seated on their table - then push in the mid back area ... EXACTLY where my ache/pain has been.  Wow - I was impressed ... but kinda pissed.  (ha - well ... it hurt!)  ;-)    I told her also that I was going to be realllllllllllly embarrassed if I was wasting her time because of a color dye in a stool softener and she immediately interrupted me with, "No - no - okay ... I'll stop you right there.  You are not dealing with red dye discoloration.  Rebecca, listen up (and she leans forward now) -- there is a lot ... a LOT ... A LOTTTT of blood in your urine.  Color dyes in medications do not show up as massive amounts of red blood cells in urine.  Do not apologize for being here - you need to be here.  This is real.  There is a real problem going here and you never need to apologize for taking care of your body and paying attention to real symptoms.  There should not be blood in your urine."

Silly as it sounds - I immediately felt better.  I mean, my back still hurt but my pride was in tact.  She continued, "I am sending you over for a CT scan ... best case scenario is this is a kidney stone or some kidney stones.  They can be very painful but they are treatable.  If it's little - you will pass it - if it's larger you may not be able to but we can talk about that.  First let's determine why blood is somewhere it should not be."

So -- I sit here tonight having had a CT scan and feeling pain in both shoulder blades in back and in my mid  left back.  Probably kidney stone I guess - she said that's the "best case scenario" so - that's what I'm figuring I'll hear tomorrow.

Off to the good news ... when I stood on the scale the doctor's assistant put the scale @ 250 pounds and adjusted the scroll thing on the scale down to 230 pounds ... and that was off so - she started moving the thing to the left ... the direction I LIKE to see it go!  (ha)  She kept moving it and moving it and then said, "Is everything okay, Rebecca?"  I said that it was - but reminded her that I had gastric bypass about 9 weeks ago.  She then remembered and readjusted the bar to 200 pounds.  It was still too high (woo hoo) and she moved it down until it landed on 188 pounds - which - considering I was dressed, etc., - was good for me.  Okay, so it wasn't 125 pounds but ... it wasn't 227 pounds!  :-)   She said she was very impressed with my success and that made me happy.

The good news definitely outweighed the bad ... the glass is, once again, half full!  :-)

So yes - I'm smiling.

That's all for now ... I'll keep you posted ....

ch-ch-ch-changes ...

  

• 
  
  1st picture  11/17/2009
  
• 
  
  2nd picture  01/17/2010
  

These pics give an "idea" of the changes taking place.  Weight loss between pic one and pic three is approximately 40 pounds.   I really anticipate taking the last picture after 102 pounds lost but looking at the pics (and wearing these pj bottoms), I can tell that the pants are getting looser and my face, neck and arms are beginning to get smaller.  It's cooool.  :-)

Another "plus" is that, when I walk, I can actually breathe instead of just sucking air!  ha  That's all for now ... and as always ...

I'll keep you "posted" ...

:-)

TGIF

The end of a busy week ... not a whole lot to "update".  I got a couple good walks in today and the most amazing thing about the walking time was that my hands didn't end up all swollen and puffy.  In fact, my ring is loose and turning around.  Right now the ring I'm wearing is a ring Chuck bought me for our 8th Anniversary ... I still cannot comfortably wear my wedding ring but ... that is DEFINITELY my first goal!  I cannot wait to put my wedding band back on my ring finger and wear it proudly.  :-)

This morning I was 190.2 ... just a litttttttttttttle bit more and I'll be under 190.  I had some tasty grilled fish this evening for dinner but I couldn't eat very much so I wrapped it and put it in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.  Maybe later, if I can, I will try to make a protein smoothie.  I have some greek yogurt, some frozen strawberries and some vanilla whey protein and I've found those ingredients to make YUMMY smoothies!  :-)

I'm quite tired this evening ... I'm sure it's because of lack of protein but more because I hardly ate today.  I tried but wasn't very hungry.  On top of that, I forgot to take my vitamins before I walked out the door this morning and ... I keep forgetting to just take some extra vitamins and leave them at my desk for days like this when I totally forget. 

One of the keys to a healthy recovery is to remember PROTEIN and vitamins.  Today I slacked on both and can TOTALLY feel it. 
But - I am moving more. 

A lady I hadn't seen in about 6 mos. saw me out walking and made this big deal about how I looked.  It was pretty embarrassing really - but it made me feel happy at the same time.  Since I saw Keri, I have lost about 40 pounds.  She kept going on and finally said something like, "I'm so sorry Rebecca - I don't mean to embarrass you or go on and on as if you were totally huge before but honestly - I have never in my life seen such a dramatic weight loss over such a short amount of time."

She was being so kind, so enthusiastic and so sincere.  I really appreciated her heartfelt comments.  The thing is - I definitely don't see it - or feel it THAT much for that matter ... but the co-worker I was walking with was agreeing with this person and saying, "Rebecca doesn't see it yet because she's with herself all the time - but yes, it really is noticeable."

It was very uplifting and motivating.  When you weigh 190 pounds, it's hard to believe someone is complimenting you on your appearance but - she insisted that to her it was really obvious and she hoped I'd be able to see it soon.

I hope so too.

But for now - I'm soooo very content to be able to feel that, when I walk, my heart and body feel sooo much healthier already. 

I can hardly even imagine how wonderful it will feel when I have lost another 70 pounds.  :-)

To that end - I will keep you posted ...

Putting "IT" Into PERSPECTIVE ...

The recent magnitude 7.0 massive earthquake in Haiti has helped to quickly put things in perspective for me.


This week we had a new computer system installed at work that has not been easy to adjust to at times. However, after the events in Haiti on Tuesday, I had reason to stop and re-evaluate. I realized – I have a working computer! In fact, I have more than one computer in my home – one for my husband and me and one for our kids. While I was at it, I also got to thinking: I have power, lights, water, electricity, food, warmth, and shelter from the recent rain storms. I’m not fighting my way out of rubble; I’m not searching for missing loved ones.

I’m reminded of a book I have at home entitled, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: And it’s All Small Stuff,” written by a man named Richard Carlson. Richard wrote his bestselling book in 1997 and unexpectedly passed away from cardiac arrest only 9 short years later at the age of 45 years. I would imagine that Richard Carlson, like many of the rest of us, envisioned himself living well into his golden years. But he got “it” before his life ended … he got the message that for every minute we are angry, we lose 60 seconds of happiness (Ralph Waldo Emerson). We are not “promised” our next breath - yet we tend to take this breath for granted each morning when we rise out of bed.

So I am motivated to ask myself – what is really important to me? The next time I find myself irritated with my computer, or frustrated with that driver riding on my bumper, or cross with my kids for leaving the dishes in the sink … the next time I’m caught by that blasted train rail that comes down right as I am getting ready to go over the tracks (usually on a morning when I’m already running behind!), I will consciously try to stop and ask myself how much this will matter at the end of the day, at the end of the week, a month from now, a year from now. So many times when I look back over the week, though I know there were things that irritated me, for the life of me I couldn’t really tell you the specifics of what those irritations were. I lost precious time being upset when I could have spent that time making the most of the moment.

In closing, I’d like to leave you with this thought:

“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass …

It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” (Unknown)

My Family Makes Make Dinnertime HILARIOUS!

Seated around the dinner table tonight the following conversation ensues:

Benjamin:  "Hey, Daniel - are you going to eat your pineapple?"
Daniel:  "Yes."
Benjamin:  "Oooh - so I'll take that as a no!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*
(Okay, maybe you had to be there but family mealtimes are THE BEST with kids!)

Habits and Hobbies ...

Life is stressful right now - nothing to go into on this blog but ... on the positive side of it:  I love the fact that I'm not eating to deal with the stress!  Nevermind that I can't overeat ... (ha) the point is .... I'm NOT overeating.

I've been thinking of late about the negative habit of overeating and how to not go back to that once my "pouch" has healed.  Soooo many regain their weight - as impossible as it might seem.  To go through such an extensive surgical procedure only to waste it away by returning to old habits.  I really want to spend this time when overeating really isn't an option - getting to the root of why I use food.  Maybe it served me once upon a time but I definitely don't need to use food as a coping mechanism any longer.  I'm not 13 yrs. old - I have age and experience to draw from now. 

I think the key, as some have said, is to replace a negative habit with a positive habit.  If overeating is my negative habit -- done out of boredom, stress, happiness, etc., - then what activity(ies) would I enjoy in place of food?  I love to write, I enjoy writing music and singing as well, I have some painting supplies that Chuck bought me last Christmas that I haven't had the guts to try out!  I also enjoy drawing - sketching, charcoals, etc.  Some of these things would be relaxing hobbies but it's strange.  If I grab something to eat I don't feel lazy ... if I sit down to do a relaxing activity I feel like I'm wasting time.  It makes no sense when I actually stop to think about it.  Really the only difference is that eating is unhealthy and drawing/writing might end up being something productive! 

I need to "allow" myself the opportunity to relax and not feel guilty about that.  Sure, you can eat while you are "doing" which makes it not seem "lazy" but ... relaxing need not be considered "lazy".  The key is to finish what needs to be done on time - and then ENJOY (allow myself to enjoy) some healthy leisurely activities.  In the long run I believe this can only make me more productive. 

But FOOD is not a productive activity.  It doesn't make me healthy, it doesn't make me happy, it doesn't give me energy, it doesn't make me feel better in the long run.  Junk food and unhealthy snacking only leads to feelings of disappointment in myself. 

A nice charcoal drawing?  Pride in myself!

Speaking of pride in myself - I'm now down 35 pounds ... technically almost 36 but ... it's that !*&4%  .8 pounds on the scale that goofs it up!  BUT - I am down from 227 pounds to 191.8 this morning.  I'm sooo close to getting under the 190's that I (dare I say it?  lol) ... can TASTE it!  ;-)

That's all for today - I'll keep you posted!

Today ...

I'm down a total of 33 pounds this morning ~ it will be 7 weeks since my surgery date this coming Wednesday so I think that I'm doing pretty well. 

I'll definitely take a 33 pound weight loss.  :-)

I'm feeling good ~ doing a little better on my water intake and protein ... though I'm certain I'm falling quite short of the 55-60 gram protein requirement.  I need to begin logging the amounts a little better.

One thing I need to work on is not getting on the scale so often.  A co-worker had a good suggestion for me this morning.  I mentioned to her that I still have a habit of weighing in daily ... often more than a few times.  She suggested I begin weighing myself ONCE daily -- then cutting back to once every couple of days ... until I am weighing only once per week.  For me, weighing so often is causing me to miss the enjoyment of weight loss because instead of seeing it in lump sums once a week I'm seeing it day by day in little amounts.  I'm not sure it matters, really, at least not in the overall scheme of things.  But it matters to me because I want to be able to celebrate my weight loss and I think I'd "see" it better once a week.

If ANY of that makes sense ... (it made sense in my head ... perhaps I should've left it there? ha).

The holidays are now behind us and it already seems so much easier not to be bombarded with snacks and junk food around every corner.  However, I can only imagine how many calories I avoided consuming over the holiday simply because eating wasn't an option.  I was tempted by treats, pies, meals and desserts and I know I would've over consumed.  I'm soooo glad I went through 2009 Holidays losing instead of gaining -- for a change.  Phew.

There is a radiologist at my work who also does photography.  When I lose my weight and reach my goal I am going to schedule a glamour session with him.  He does beautiful work and I would love to have a pretty picture made for Chuck.  I've spent sooo many years avoiding the camera, begging for pictures to NOT be taken -- I know he'd really enjoy having one so that's one of my goals.  :-)   I am already anticipating this photo session ... that's how good I am feeling about achieving my goal.  Woo Hoo!

That's all for today - more soon ...

And, as always, I'll keep you ... posted!