Deliberate Day 31

I got off work early today!!

Woot!  Woot!  My husband and I went to see the new movie, "Now You See Me."  GREAT FLICK!  I hope you'll go see it because it's really worth the time.  Some movies I come out of the theatre wishing I had waited for a Redbox cheapy viewing but not this one.

It was fun - had a twist or two - and it wasn't scary. 

I do not like scary.

I usually only like funny movies but I like movies that are suspenseful - as long as they don't have a lot of jump out scenes.  HATE jump out scenes.

Anyway - I don't have a lot more to say except that this was a great day -- we went to a matinee and then afterwards we went to C.R. Gibbs for dinner.  It was unbelievably DELICIOUS! 

This was a good day - I'm looking forward to having another tomorrow...

Deliberately!  ;-)

Deliberate Day 30

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a concert at the David Marr Auditorium in my hometown. The high school orchestra and symphony (along with some excellent participants from a local middle school’s advanced symphony) performed a special fundraising concert in honor of an alumni student and former symphony member who, at the young age of 18 yrs., suffered a stroke following an injury to his head. This group of young people performed SOOO beautifully I actually found myself wishing the evening of phenomenal music would not end!

Thinking about how I wanted some of those musical moments to "last forever," I watched as many of these teens receive their “final concert” roses from their beloved director. It struck me that all too soon the music would end for some and I found myself wondering how many of the students really had performed their last concert? How many of them would go on to college or careers and pack their flutes, violins, saxophones away in storage like many adults had probably done? That led me to kind of glancing around and wondering about those of us in the audience.  How many of us were once up on a stage playing our instrument(s) and/or performing in a vocal ensemble when we were teens only to realize that, as adults, that's all just part of our “history”?

Why is this? Why do we stop singing, playing, performing? Why do we cease to do those things that brought us joy as a child?

I can remember getting up early every day because I was part of a small ensemble in high school. We had a “0” period and couldn’t wait to get there.  I never had trouble getting out the door early Monday through Friday because we had the greatest director (EVER!) and we had a great sound as a group – if I do say so myself and ... WE all loved singing!

So what is it that happens when we graduate high school (or college) that causes us to put away those things we used to really love to do? Granted, there may have been a few kids on stage last night that performed because their parents “forced” them to be in band, learn an instrument, practice-practice-practice! But from the expressions on pretty much EVERY face it appeared to me that these kids were loving this concert as much as – if not more than – those of us sitting in the “awe”dience listening. One young man (who I have learned received quite a hefty music scholarship to help him in his college pursuits) seemed to be one with his flute … he was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  I wondered if he'll still be playing, composing, etc., in ten years?  Since this is his major course of future study I'm hoping the answer will be yes!  But will it?   

And will these other kids live their dreams or will they get caught up in the buy, owe, work to keep up cycle?  Not that music has to be their thing but ... will they do what they love and love what they do?  Or will they get caught up in a viscious cycle of working to keep their heads above water and go to work everyday wishing they were doing something else?  Worse yet, will they be thirty or forty years older and forget what it was they used to love to do??

Not answering the question today - just thinking "outloud" ...

Deliberately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydj0ijAr2vw

Deliberate Day 29

Today feels like Thursday since we had Monday off.

I love it when the week is short and I go to write Tuesday on a paper and realize it's already Wednesday!  It's those little things that make life fun. 

Life IS fun - I enjoy my life a lot!  Time goes by so quickly -- I wish I could  impress that upon young mother's who don't enjoy these days with small children. 

Don't blink.  I say it often - just don't blink.  They really do grow up in the blink of an eye.  And it's all the little moments you reflect on with joy and happiness and a warm sense of knowing you had a part in something very special during this lifetime!

Enjoy every moment with your family --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 28

Not a whole lot to write about on this Deliberate Day #28 so ... I will share a poem from my upcoming children's poetry book, "Of Pickles, Prunes and Lollipops."  :-)  Here goes:

In a Pickle

If I were a pickle

Living in a jar

I'd have my own shelf in the fridge

And never travel far.

I think I'd be a happy dill

(I doubt I would complain) ...

But after years of chillin'

Life might get a bit 'mundane' ~

I think it is quite possible

That one day I'd be hopin'

To make a GRAND escape

(When someone left my fridge door open!)

Where would I venture after that

We'd have to wait and see -

I'd check my new surroundings out

And plan my 'strategy' ....

Would I want to travel far

Across the ocean blue?

Or maybe stick closer to home?

Whatever would I do?

I think the safest plan, my friend,

Is neither "near" NOR "far" -

I just think I'm most happy living

In my pickle jar!

(rebecca dahlen) 

Deliberate Day 27

Monday, Monday.

My "baby's" last full Monday of classes.  sigh*

I know he's not really my "baby" anymore ... but you know how it goes.  Time just goes by too quickly.  I'm so proud of my kids --

At times I so wish I could turn back the clock and make them all little again. 

I enjoy my kids so much -- I can't think of any "stage" while they were growing up that I didn't like.  By that I mean I sometimes hear people saying, "Uh, I can't stand this toddler stage," or "I really don't deal with little kids well - I can't wait until they're older," or "I wish my kid was little again - I hate the teen years."

I've heard all of those comments.  I really have.  And I've never been able to relate to one of them.

I'm not saying all the stages have been easy.  But looking back (and maybe it's the hindsight thing - selective memory, etc. - ha) ... I just have super fond memories of every single stage.

I was able to be home with the kids until they entered elementary school and for that I will always be thankful.

I am blessed.  Yep - I am one blessed mama!  Thanks God - I really mean that ...

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 26

We've had a house full of kids over this past weekend in celebration of Ben's 18th birthday.  At one point there were 6 guys and 3 girls and lots of laughing, xBox roaring and FUN!

When I was little I really never aspired to any type of career ... well, yes as stated previously on this blog ... there was a time I wanted to be a ballerina, a magician, yada yada yada.  But really - all I ever aspired to was becoming a wife and mom.

This past weekend reminds me of how much - HOW INCREDIBLY THOROUGHLY - I have enjoyed this calling. 

The toddler "mommy" years all too soon turned into the grown teen "mom" years - and the passage from childhood to adulthood is bittersweet for this mom.

I guess every mom feels this way but honestly - I have had the blessing of raising three incredible people.  They are kind, they are conscientious, they are sensitive, they are hilarious, they are moral, they are responsible, they are caring, they are strong, they are independent, they are free thinking.  They are wonderful.  I used to feel they were mine.

They are God's.

Always have been, always will be.

I was allotted a time to have them in my home on a daily basis - to enjoy raising them and loving them and caring for them and teaching them.  God places an incredible amount of faith in parents - entrusting His children into our care for a while.  That gives me a healthy sense of self that He saw fit to place them in my care and had full belief that I could do it.

There have been times I haven't done it right, there have been times I've felt too tired to do it, there have been times I wondered why He thought I could do it ...  :-)

But He did, so I did -- and WOW -- what a ride!

All three of my children are now adults.  And all three of my children are still my children.  I will always love them and care about them and be there for them when they need advice, encouragement == well, whatever they need that will be of help to them as they continue on finding out who they were born to become.

I have had the privilege to have a small part in their walk through this world and for this I am humbled and forever thankful --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 25

Have I ever told you I've never read a book I didnt' like??!  Well, it's true.  Almost.

I wasn't all that impressed with "Gone Girl," written by Gillian Flynn.  The read was pretty good but the ending ... (I won't say more than that incase you're going to read it!).

But I've seriously enjoyed the deliberate reading and writing this past month.  I just finished reading "Fly Away" which was the sequel to "Firefly Lane."  I am so glad I read Fly Away because it tied up a lot of the loose ends from the first book.  Currently I am finishing up, "The Twelfth of Never" by James Patterson - the 12th book (obviously) in his Women's Murder Club (mystery) series.  I'm listening to this on audio and there is a new reader so that takes some getting used to (I really liked Carolyn McCormick - the previous voice over reader), but this person does various voices pretty well so ... she'll do.  :-)

I have about 45 minutes left to listen so that's what I'm off to go do this afternoon.  All the kids are still over - now a total of 6 guys, 3 girls.  GREAT group of teens.  I will soooo miss teen noise, laughter, hilarity in my house.  I think I'm going to have to pay some people to borrow their teens when mine is teen-less.

sigh*

OK - so off to finish a book ...

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 24

hahaha

I'm sitting in my office ... just listening.

I'm listening to the sounds of five teenage (all 18 years of age now that my son had his birthday) boys who are CRACKING me up!

Teen boys gossip as much as (if not more than) teen girls.

You don't believe me?

Believe me!

HILARITY ensues when these five get together!!  Great fun!

They have been friends for many years now and I sincerely hope their friendship continues for MANY years to come --

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 23

The court case is now over (phew) and the defendant was found guilty on all three counts.

I don't think it's really necessary to go into the details of the case.  It wasn't that "dramatic" of a case but the whole thing makes me sad.

And proud.

I am sad because this young man wasn't more than 24 at the most.  While I agreed with the verdict - it's just sad.  Most of this case revolved around theft and drugs.

I hate what controlled substances of any kind do to people.  I listened to the testimony in this case and I just felt very sad.

I am proud of our justice system.

I realize we're not perfect but we still have the best system in the world and I am proud.

I am proud to be an American.

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 22

Time Flies ...

Yesterday they placed you in my arms -

It was such a thrill to look into your eyes

What a handsome little boy!

Oh how you filled my heart with joy ...

They weren't kidding when they told me

Time Flies.

There's more to this graduation song but - that's all I will share for today. 

My "baby" turns 18 today ... he is a man to the world - and yes - he has grown into a great man and I am proud.

Yet somehow I still see in his eyes and in his smile that same little boy from years ago.

I am proud to be Ben's mom.

It's time to let him go, let him grow 

Let him be all that he is destined to be.

I'm sure it involves greatness!

And it's tough for me to realize how quickly time has passed ~

But I will let him grow & become ...

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 21

Another excerpt from my poetry book ... (not the one for kids -- this is another I'm working on) ....

In Jr. High my nickname was always 'Doris Day'

"Would you like another glass of cold milk?" ~ kids would say.

For I wasn't one for alcohol, I was not one to smoke ...

(I always blushed profusely if I heard a dirty joke!)

Now I would have to tell you, in all honesty today,

Not a whole lot's changed ... I still prefer old fashioned ways.

I want a man to "cherish" me - and yes, open my door.

Please pull my chair out, too (just don't let me fall on the floor!)

I long to feel protected and I long to feel secure

I want to know I'm needed and I want a love that's pure.

I want to be the woman and I want a real man.

He'll be proud to show he loves me.  For what's right he'll take a stand.

I want to be completely real ~ I want to be "best friends"

I want us to share hopes and dreams - forever - 'til life ends.

Chivalry's not dead - NO WAY - I won't believe it's so

When I find my knight in armor I believe my heart will know.

If I have to wait forever, then my friends that's what I'll do

I will not settle for less in life than a love I know is TRUE!

(Written about a year or so before I eventually met my husband and best friend, Chuck, in 2000!  He is definitely my knight in shining armor!)

Enjoying life with my husband today ...

DELIBERATELY!

Deliberate Day 20

"For the young at heart ... "

When I grow up I want to be ...

a KID again

(ain't THAT funny?!?)

Amazing that we spend our lives

Longing to be "adult"

and

"wise" ...

At "six" we long to be "sixteen"

Then ... twenty-one

(know what I mean?)

To ... 'get that license and drive dad's car'

Or legally enter

That dive of a bar.

I wanted to go on my "1st Date"

Then marry Prince Charming

(Can you relate?)

And now according to the "growth chart"

I'm all "growED up"

(ie:  An Old Fart!)

It seemed like it'd be cool

"back then"

Now I'm ready to be

A KID again!

(rdahlen)

Enjoying writing ...

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 19

Such an interesting case.

I am really happy I was called on to serve a stent as juror on a local criminal case -- although I am a lowly "alternate" and ... I am known as "Alternate #2" at that.  Pfffft ...

BUT - I am looking forward to sitting in on the case and watching each side present their case -- I want to see how "real" court deliberations work - and I have a feeling it won't be anything like what's on television.

But I'm looking forward to returning to the court house this coming Tuesday ...

Deliberately.

(Well, as deliberately as it can be since if I don't show up I'll be held in contempt of court ... little do they know they don't have to force me to participate - I'm loving this!)

Deliberate Day 18

"Make It Real"

(V1)

I've seen a lot of crazy things done in Your name.

I know the tricks behind the magic show.

I've almost thrown the towel in a time or two

and walked away from everything I know.

But I can't fill this emptiness inside of me,

Or calm the troubled waters of my mind.

So if You're really out there and You're listening

Then prove to me that those who seek will find.

(Chorus)

If You can just see fit to show me some of who You are.

If You can shed some light into this broken sinner's heart.

I need to know the truth and I need something I can feel -

I need You to make it real.

(V2)

There must be some good reason why You brought me here.

Through valleys where the shadows hover close.

Down here, there's a mask to cover every face,

But Your sweet face I long to see the most.

So if You think there's just the slightest hope for me,

In spite of all my questions and my doubts,

Then let me hear Your still small voice speak out my name

And let me know what others talk about.

(Repeat Chorus)

- Suzanne Jennings, Michael Sykes. © 2000 Townsend and Warbucks Music, Mal 'N Al Music.

Reflecting on these lyrics -

Deliberately.

Deliberate Day 17

(An excerpt from my upcoming children's book of poetry,

"Of Pickles, Prunes & Lollipops")

UP

UP

&

AWAY

We walked into our room one day

And this is what we found ...

The only thing upon our floor

Was CARPET on the ground!

"Oh No!  What happened to our stuff?"

I heard my brother say.

"We didn't clean up fast enough

So MOM put it away!"

You might be thinking

"Lucky guys - YOU didn't have to do it!"

But when our MAMA cleaned stuff up

The TRASH was where she threw it!

rdahlen

(note:  photo above found via Yahoo images/search engine)

Deliberate Day 16

I am on "hiatus" from blogging simply because I have been on jury duty and it's too tempting to write about the courtroom process.

So - instead I'm just writing about other "stuff" and then - once my jury duty is complete - I'll just post all these blogs at one time. 

Why?
Because. 
I can. 
;-)

Sooo - on June 28, 2013, there will be an open casting call for the television show, "Survivor."  I am attempting (as I type) to secure a PTO [paid time off] day to go down to San Dimas, CA, to apply in person.  I have a "jingle" I wrote but I've heard they frown on jingles ... especially jingles set to old tv shows (ummm, sorry, mine is to "The Brady Bunch").  Bummer - 'cuz my jingles really good  - if I do say so myself (which I just did!)  Oh well, I have an alternative audition ready as well so -- wish me luck!  :-)

What I am most hoping to gain from the experience, should I actually be picked for this show, would be interpersonal relationship experience.  Personal relationships are not my strong suit.  I do fine with family members - especially my immediate family - I have no trouble being myself, saying what I think, etc., etc. -- However, I don't do so well cultivating personal relationships outside of my immediate family.  If I were to self analyze this I would think maybe it all stems back to my "preacher wife" days when I was instructed not to form frienships with other church members because of potential jealousies within the congregation that could, in turn, negatively impact my then husband's pastoral ministry.

Pfffft - I think back on that time now and just think, "Whatever!"  The lot of it was pretty much utter foolishnness.

"If I knew then ...."

OK - that's it for today - I'll write more soon ...

Deliberately.

Deliberately on Hiatus

So ... I'm still doing my "Deliberate Days" ... but not posting because I am unable to post my writing.  It will make sense in about a week ... jury, courthouse, etc.

Stay tuned and then check back ...

Deliberately

Deliberate Day 15

Who says jury duty can't be fun?  

I, for one, found this day hilarious!   As I approached the courthouse steps on this overcast day in May, the first sound I heard was a gruff female voice counting to five.  Out of my field of vision my guess was the voice was coming from a stressed out grandmother dealing with a defiant child.  However, as I rounded the steps I saw she (heretofore referred to as Lady - ha - like that?  I'm not even on a jury yet and already practicing my lingo!) was speaking down to a little black dog.  Her five count was actually an attempt to incite her pooch to pee.

Little did I know that was  only the beginning of the "morning show."

A Marshall approached Lady and asked if her dog was a medical necessity.  In a slightly miffed tone she replied, "He most certainly is!"  Then Lady proceeded to tell the Marshall that her dog was the only thing standing between her and a "ridiculous" melt down.  "Trust me sir, you DON'T want to be around me when I have an anxiety attack".  Mr. Marshall said he'd take her word for it.  He then instructed her to take the matter up with the judge to which she replied,  "Oh believe you me - I intend to!"

Shortly after he was out of earshot she turned to those close by and whispered,  "Wanna get outta jury duty?  You can purchase these medical service dog scarves from eBay ... they come in a variety of colors. My Whimpers likes the purple best."

Fast forward to about 9:30am.:  Out of all of the available seating she chooses the seat directly in front of me.  I guess I should be happy - more material for the future novel.  It was at this point that I realize the way my luck was running - jury selection was in my future.

Back to the courthouse:  Lady never stops talking - not even to take a breath!  I am thinking her lung capacity could be a Guinness record.   Little Whimpers (we have since learned he is "almost fourteen") sounds like he has emphysema and I find myself wondering if he's about to cough up a lung.  Ick ...  

Lady says he's faking ... for attention. 
(I had my doubts.) 

But the minute she said he was a fraud ... Whimpers stopped coughing.

Hmmm ... ?

Now a younger woman approaches and when Lady looks up, recognition crosses her face.  She screams.  Loudly.  Everybody around me (including me) jumps!  Lady and Younger Woman exchange loud hello's and hugs and then Younger Woman takes the empty seat next to Lady.  Younger Woman soon proves she is also qualified to join Lady in the Guiness record book (if these two had been "Chatty Cathy" dolls one would swear their pull strings had gotten stuck!).  Younger Woman has multi colored dreadlocks which I found fascinating.  But seriously, she had more of those little bur/stickers in her dreads than my dog Nelson has ever had in his fur.  It took allllll of the restraint I could possibly muster to keep from reaching forward to pry them out of her hair.  Realizing I didn't want to end up as the next case on the court docket I decided to keep my hands to myself.

Phew*

So here I sit - people watching and thoroughly enjoying this experience. 

I do, however, wonder about the whole 'jury of your peers' concept.  And I realize, if Lady gets selected for this case, the defendant might need to be placed on suicide watch!

(When I write my novel,  I promise ... "Lady" and Whimpers will make an appearance ... Deliberately!)

Deliberate Day 14

So I have been sitting in front of the computer ... once again waiting for the muse to show up ... but it's slow in making its arrival.  Quite honestly, I don't have the patience to wait any longer because I haven't eaten yet and ... I'm hungry.

All I can think of to write about is something I thought of earlier in the day.  I had been thinking about my youngest son's graduation coming up and how, a short time later, he will be heading off to boot camp.  I'm happy for him but sad for me.  The sense of pride I feel with regard to all three of my children is off the charts and as much as I realize they have to have the "freedom to fly" ... I am a mom who is not anticipating having an empty nest.  In trying to see the glass half full I have been thinking and thinking and thinking, "Can I think of even just one positive that will get me through this transition time?"  Seriously, hours of contemplation and this is what I have come up with:  I will enjoy not having to wear a bra around the house!  haha

Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 13

On days when I have difficulty coming up with something "new" to write I have made the decision to show up in front of the keyboard anyway.  And, if the muse remains silent, I'll resolve to share something that I wrote in years past - Here goes:

In Tranquil Sleep

I saw you in my dreams last night

I so wish it was real

For in my slumber I was free

To share just how I feel

No holding back, no trembling heart

Just passion, fully bared

You gently held me in your arms

Your touch revealed you cared.

We spoke of love, of life, of dreams

We shared our hopes and plans

We walked along the moonlit beach

Such comfort hand in hand.

But morning dawned as mornings do

And with its light I pondered

The dream was just a dream, so sweet

Oh, how my heart had wandered ...

Such tranquil sleep so calms my soul

Propels me to such height

Though now I'm off to face the day

I'll see you, come the night.

(rd)

********
To writing ... Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 12

I am so thankful for my mom.

It has been a difficult time for her this past 8 mos. since the passing of my dad and I wish so much I could do more to ease the burden and sadness she feels having lost her best friend on this earth.

There are no words that "fix" this, there is no magic wand, no escaping the reality that our time with dad on this earth is over and he's not coming back.

It's sad and I wish things were different.  For her.  For us. 

They really had the best marriage I have ever encountered in my life.  You say that and people think it's "cliche" - that that's just what kids say about their parents but in my case it's true.  I have never ever seen anything like the bond between my parents.  I'm happy they had this bond and I'm sad that it's been temporarily interrupted.

I know one day they will be reunited and that is the good news.

That's really all I can say on this Mother's Day.  I'm thankful for my mom.  I wish I could make her happier.

Of course, I would be remiss to not say I'm thankful for my three children who have made my lifelong dream of being a mom come true.  Without them my life would not be filled with as much joy.

All three of my children are a blessing.  I am so fortunate and happy and I don't know how I got to be so lucky to receive these three kids but I won't question ... I will just say thanks to God.

I really am thankful - deliberately and sincerely.

Deliberate Day 11

In preparing for my interview and getting ready to write an article (which I sincerely hope will serve to be unbelievably inspirational), I am beginning to write down questions I would like to have answered.  Here are just a few (not necessarily in order) - although I must admit I hope the interview process is not completely staged or scripted.  It just never hurts to be prepared:

1. Do you have a name for your group?
2. What do you think would be a great title for this article?
3. What are each of your names?
4. What were your ages when you met?
5. What are your ages now?
6. How did you meet?
7. What college/university did you attend together?
8. What is the name of your professor?
9. What was his age when you met?
10. How old is he now?
11. How did you meet this professor?  What was the name of the class?
12. How many classes did you take with him?
13. What classes did he teach?
14. What brought each of you to this university/class?
15. How did the relationship begin?
16. What caused this group to begin reuniting after graduation?
17. How many years have you reunited?
18. What have you learned from this professor?
19. What has he contributed to / How has he changed your life?
20. What do you feel the professor has learned from you?
21. How have you contributed to/changed his life?
22. ---
23. ---
24. ---

TBA ...

Deliberate Day 10

I overheard someone bemoaning stretch marks and age spots and wrinkles on television today.  It caused me to stop for a minute and think about my own greying locks, my stomach with its stretch marks - all sure signs that time is passing. 

So ... I went looking for the perfect quote about aging or maybe a poem that would sum up my thoughts for this blog tonight and nothing fit the bill.  That meant I needed to come up with my own so ... here ya go:  

Reflecting on Reflections

When I look into the mirror

I'm reminded of the years

That have passed by oh so swifly

Hours of laughter, a few tears.

There are wrinkles now between my brows

And crows feet near my eyes

There are stretch marks on my stomach

(And two not so "little" thighs!)

I see more grey hairs upon my head!

(That kind of makes me chuckle)

And when I try to run 3 miles ...

My knees now start to buckle.

There've been times that I have worried

About age lines on my face

But then I stop to ponder

All that brought me to this place ...

So many days and moments

A family full of love

My mom who is still with me

My dad now up above

My husband and three children

My brother's and their wives

Extended family members

Each a blessing in my life.

Friendships that I cherish

Many memories I hold dear

Each and every little wrinkle

Tells a story of a year.

And now this tapestry of life

Is etched upon my skin

So I'll treasure every stretch mark

Every wrinkle [every chin ;-) ]

For the mirror is a blessing

A reminder in the glass

To treat every moment as a gift

For time does quickly pass.

Deliberate Day 9

I was reminded of a verse this morning (and I will admit upfront I'm taking it somewhat out of context here because there is more to the verse than just the part I am going to post tonight).  The verse is found in James 4:2 and the part of the verse I'm thinking of comes at the end, 'You have not because you ask not.'

With this in mind - I decided to ask someone about something ... I stepped forward and approached a friend about a writing opportunity. 

More to come but at this point I will suffice it to say:  This is an inspirational story that I think needs to be told ... about 4 college guys who befriended their professor and have continued this student/professor "mentorship" for the past thirty years.  The interesting part of the story is that the initial mentor and encourager (the teacher) is now being mentored and encouraged by his students.  Today their former professor - now dear friend - is in his 80's and his former students are in their 50's.

I heard about the story from a co-worker (one of these 'student's' happens to be her husband).  I mulled it around and mulled it around and thought, "This is the type of story I've been wanting to write about."  So FINALLY, yesterday, I got up the nerve to ask my co-worker's spouse (when he made his daily call to her) what he thought about my putting this story in print.  I asked if he (and maybe the others in their group) would be willing to talk with me about the bond that has formed over the years between these students and their professor. 

He sounded pleased with the idea - excited and eager even!  His reply was, "Wow!  Sure!  And  I could even provide pictures!  Let me know when you're ready!"

I guess I have to admit I wasn't really ready for such a positive response.  But now I have to get ready!  I'm excited!! 

I'd never have an opportunity to write the story if I didn't ask.  "You have not because you ask not."

What do you want?!  Ask for it! 

Here's to pursuing dreams, following dreams, living dreams ... Deliberately!

Deliberate Day 8

My name's not Martin Luther but ... I do have a dream!  I have a dream of becoming a writer.  Not just a writer on a blog ... I have a dream of becoming a writer.  A published writer.  A writer with books on the shelf at Barnes and Noble and online @ Amazon.com!

I have a dream and I have a need to write.  I have a lot to learn about how to accomplish this dream because I'm not sure where to begin.  But ... I am going to figure it out.  And one day, I will become a published writer. 

(A special thanks today to RW for encouraging & believing in me!)

Deliberate Day 7

This blog is way too self-centered!

I guess right now, just trying to get into a routine of consistent blogging for at least 30 days, I'll settle with whatever I can come up with (because it's not that easy for me to be creative for thirty days in a row!).  H-o-w-e-v-e-r ... after my thirty 'Deliberate Days' of writing are complete I am seriously going to have to stop focusing so much on myself and figure out something else to write about.  But since that's not for another twenty-three days ...

Back to me (HA) ... 

Today I posted the following status update on my Facebook page:  "Are words low cal/fat free?  I'm eating a lot of them and I don't want tight pants!"  ;-)

I've been all talk about friendships - on my soapbox with regard to what I want in a friend, what type of person a friend should be, etc. - I said things like:

• I don't want negative friends.  (Sounds a little negative ... )
• I don't want whiny friends.  (Sounds a little whiny ... )
• I don't like when people speak in riddles and aren't courageous enough to go a person they have an issue with.  (Sounds a little like a riddle ...)

So which of the following do I more closely resemble today ... the pot or the kettle? 

;-)

I woke up this morning with a bible verse on my mind.  The verse is found in Proverbs 18:24 and I memorized the King James Version as a child so that's what I remember:  'A man who hath friends must show himself friendly.' 

That's it.
Simple.

To have a friend, be a friend.

If you're not into God, even Thumper was on to something, "If you can't say somethin' nice ... don't say nuttin' at all ..."

So while I still think it's important to choose friends wisely and I still think there are times we need to keep certain people in the acquaintance category and not get too close, the bottom line - when building true friendships - is to remember -- if you want to make friends with someone you need to be friendly. 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
*Deliberately*

Deliberate Day 6

Uh oh - I have nothing to say. 

This kinda sorta sucks when I'm trying to "deliberately blog" for at least 30 days.  In 1980, Air Supply sang about being "All Outta Love" ... here I am in 2013 ... "All Outta Words."  (I think I hear my spouse & kids cheering in the background!)  Let's see ... what's new today, May 6, 2013? 

Here are some random "off the top o' my head" thoughts:

• My migraine is gone!  I'm SOOOO happy!  That was one of the longest and most painful migraine episodes I have ever had.  I am appreciating SO MUCH being headache free as of Saturday afternoon.  You forget how good it feels to feel good until you don't feel so good.  ;-)
• I am thinking (only thinking ...) about undertaking a squats challenge starting tonight.  I have an outfit I want to be able to wear comfortably and right now it's feeling wayyy less than comfortable.  sigh*  My scale isn't up all that much but it is up AND I am really out of shape -- especially my thighs and stomach (story of my life).  This challenge seems daunting at the outset ... you start off on day 1 doing 50 squats and by the end of 30 days you are able to finish 250 squats!  I didn't do so well with the C25K (run three miles in 8 weeks) ... shin splints from hell, remember?  Chuck and I did go walking 3 miles yesterday and that felt really good.  He wore his 40 pound pack (for his fire dept pack test) and he did great the entire 3 mile walk.  When we finished and were back in the house I had him put that 40 pound pack on my back.  It was so heavy ... I couldn't believe I used to carry more than twice that just 4 years ago.  No wonder weight loss is important!  90 pounds gone and moving is so much better.  However, I still realllllllly need to work on toning.  I'm going to try to do this squats challenge but I make no promises at the outset.  ;-)
• Setting time aside to write and read daily has been fantastic!  I finished one book last week and I am half way through with two others.  I am learning a lot.
• I have been giving some serious thought to getting involved in a charity/volunteer organization.  Something for teens would be my preference.  All the musing over friendships, etc., I've been doing has led me to determine that too much time on one's hands can make for idle chit chat and meaningless rambling (ha - speaking of meaningless rambling ... kinda sounds like this deliberate blog, doesn't it?).  But I do think if I were to get involved in something that helped others I wouldn't have time to listen to or engage in useless talk.  The situation of developing quality friendships would take care of itself.
• Not only do I want to find an organization in which I can volunteer my time - I also want to develop a hobby.  I'm not sure what that would be yet but I am trying to think about what it is I really enjoy doing.  I wish I could figure out how to get a writer's group going - and/or - a book club.  I love to read and write. 
• I want to take violin and flute lessons.  Going to the symphonies recently really gave me an itch to play an instrument. 
• I am having difficulty dealing with the fact that I will be turning 50 in two months.  I have never in my life been bothered by a birthday or a number ... this year I have to be honest and admit ... I'm bothered.  A co-worker told me today, "It's just another number.  Don't worry about it.  You'll turn 50 and then the next day you won't feel any different."  That really did help to make me feel a lot better.  It's a head thing and I have to just deal with it and not obsess over it.  I'm fortunate to have lived 50 years and that's where my focus needs to be - thankfulness.

That's all I have for now ... I'm going to go read and then think about tomorrow's post ...

Deliberately.  ;-)

Deliberate Day 5

I must say I am LOVING spending time deliberately blogging.  I have missed this immensely!  It's even hard for me to sleep some nights because my mind is racing with ideas, things to think out, things to write out.  Here's what's rolling around in this brain of mine today:

* or *
Choose Your Friends Wisely

I haven't decided which of the above title's is better for this blog.  And, although the following bullet points started out as an overview/outline for the blog, I think it will actually work just fine as the blog. 

• I do not like drama.  If you are a person who enjoys drama, I am not the friend for you.
• If you are a person who talks in "riddles" on your Facebook page to get an "anonymous message" out to people because you don't have the guts to confront them face to face, I am not the friend for you.
• If you are a whiner, complainer, instigator or irritator, I am not the friend for you.
• If you will talk TO me about someone else behind their back I will assume you will, in due time, talk ABOUT me to someone else behind my back.  You are not the friend for me.

Uh - Dear GOD (not meant as a prayer - meant more as a "What the heck?") - I simply do not get what is with people.  I used to think I had a problem making friends but after careful (and deliberate) consideration this past six months I have decided I really don't have a problem making friends.  I am just extremely selective in those I want to be friends with.  I like people - I really do.  But I do not like drama.  I do not like negativity. I don't like chronic complaining. 

I guess a question I'm really trying to figure out is:  Is it a requirement to talk about other people in order to form a close friendship with a person or can a friendship really and truly be forged without gossip? 

  

I recently was in an uncomfortable situation.  A person I know said she no longer wanted to be friends with another person we both know. Flat out it was requested that I act like I didn't know anything if this (other) mutual acquaintance asked me about it.

Really?  You want me to lie on your behalf because you don't have the courage to tell someone you don't want to be friends with them anymore? 

I'm sorry - are you really wondering why you don't have friends?

Right then and there I made a decision to keep my distance from the first person asking me to lie on her behalf.  I simply am not looking for a close relationship with that type of individual.

I appreciate someone who can and will be honest but if the subject matter they need to broach is touchy, at least go to the person (with whom you have the issue) yourself and, in the process, be kind. 

Be truthful but gentle. 

Some people take pride in the fact that they will "... tell it like it is and if you don't like it, that's your problem."  Hmm, okay.  Some almost appear to believe that their ability to confront gives them the license to be abrupt and rude in their delivery.  

I wouldn't take pride in being rude or unkind.

And I don't want those individuals close in my life.  Period. 

There's a proverb that goes something like this:  "A man [woman] that hath friends must show him[her]self friendly."  (18:24)

It's true and I think it's really that simple.  I felt sorry for the person who asked me to lie on her behalf because she is unable to see how she is treating people.  She, like many, often makes mention of Satan being the reason she's unhappy.  Hm, really?  A lot of times we give the devil way too much credit for our misery.  We just don't want to accept responsibility for our own actions.  There used to be a skit on "Laugh In" that starred the comedian Flip Wilson.  Whenever Flip would say or do something that was not right he would say, "The devil made me do it." 

Nah.  The devil didn't make you say or do anything.  You chose the action.  You chose the comment.  The devil isn't responsible for many of our actions.  We make choices.  A sign of maturity is to accept responsibility (and all of the consequences) that come along with our choices and actions.

For me, I'm turning 50 in two months.  My last child is going to turn 18 yrs., he's graduating high school and he's entering the Marines. 

My life is changing. 

This is the time for me to make deliberate choices with regard to who I want to include in my close circle of friends.  I do like people and I do want friends, but I don't need friends just to have a "numbers of friends."

I just want true friends.  I am extremely selective in my friendships and I am guarded.  I'm not afraid of people - there is a difference between selective/guarded and afraid. 

In summation: When evaluating the establishment of a new friendship a person has but one thing to decide:  Is this person the type of person with whom you should go the distance or keep your distance?

And remember -
Be true to yourself - Trust yourself - Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you - Be a person who brings out the best in others.
Deliberately. 

Deliberate Day 4

Well, it's Day 4 of a migraine.  I would love to deliberately make it go away!  But that doesn't sound like the makings of a very positive blog so ... forging ahead:

"The Four Agreements."

This is the title of a book I finished reading earlier this week.  It's written by Don Miguel Ruiz and it's in the "New Age" section of your Barnes and Nobles bookstore.  Good read.  A little over my head if I'm being completely honest but still, a good read.

On this, Deliberate Day 4, I thought I would try to push the migraine fog aside and share some of what I gleaned from this little paperback gem.  The Four Agreements include the following:

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.
2. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
3. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Sounds simple enough, right?  I found the first one to be VERY interesting.  To be impeccable with your word doesn't just mean speaking the truth to others.  It means speaking the truth to YOURSELF. 

In one situation this week I had a decision to make.  Ultimately, what made that decision easiest for me was being truthful with myself as to how I wanted to proceed.  I stated my truth to the person with whom I had to address the decision.  I completely stated my reasoning for why I was not going to do something.  Then - I didn't take her response in return personal. (It seemed as though the person might have made some assumptions about my decision even though I was very honest with my reasoning.  But I will not assume that she made assumptions or ... I'd be making assumptions about her assumptions!  ha)  In thinking over the decision I made - I think it was the best decision I could make at the time but I'm also confronted with the reality that it was a fear based decision.  I was being asked to attend a get-together where I only knew one other person.  Anyone who knows me at all knows I am extremely (almost to the point of a phobia) afraid of going out with anybody other than family members.  I have one friend who I have been attending the symphony/orchestra with recently and, while it was originally out of my comfort zone to go I'm so glad I did.  It gets easier.

So ... I will revisit the subject of facing the unknown and stepping out of my comfort zone very soon in an upcoming blog!

In the mean time -- I did the BEST I could based on how I was feeling (migraine/stress) and the information I had about who would be at the get-together.  I only knew the host.  What would I talk about?  Would subjects I was uncomfortable discussing (i.e. work) come up in a negative way?  How would I respond?  I still really need to work on my fear of the unknown but I believe at this time I did my personal best to come up with a decision and I hope I didn't make anyone feel rejected in the process.  It's difficult at times to be true to yourself, to speak your truth and to know that others may read more in to it, personalize it and not take you at your word.  But that is not on me - that's on them.  On this day I rest peacefully knowing that I really meant well and my decision to bow out of the activity was not a reflection on the invitee.  It was simply the decision that I could rest comfortably with personally. 

Maybe in time I won't hesitate when I'm invited out.  Maybe in time ...

I do think if I would face this fear going out would get a lot easier.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to leave my house, etc.  I just have a great deal of difficulty going out one on one with someone else or going to an event where I am not with Chuck or the kids and I don't know many people.  I do not like awkward silences and ... it's just who I up to this point in time.)
---
Another situation in which I was able to practice the above was with regards to my job.  I didn't go in to work yesterday because I was being impeccable with my word - my word to myself.  I really do not like to call in sick to a job where I have been a faithful employee for 13 years.  I also do not like to let my fellow (very faithful) co-workers down.  So ... against my better judgement I made that drive in to work yesterday  - having to pull off the road twice on the way in.  I had one of the worst migraines I have ever had.  (Lately they have all seemed like the "worst migraine I've ever had" ... what's up with that?)  By the time I got to work, retrieved the various stacks I needed to retrieve from the main building and walked in to my own my office I quickly realized I was not being impeccable with my own word to myself.  I had promised myself after the last migraine episode that I would not force myself to work the next time I felt like that.  I had made a promise to myself but I wasn't keeping the promise to myself in an effort to make other people happy.  But I remembered what I had learned about being impeccable with my own word to myself and as I sat down at my desk with the most throbbing headache ever I made a decision.

I kept a promise to myself yesterday morning.

On the way home I decided to stop by the lab (with a slip for 8 blood tests requested by my doctor in a previous days appointment to figure out what's up), after which I came straight home, darkened my bedroom as best I could, broke down and took more migraine medication, and attempted to sleep it off. 

It felt better late in the afternoon but this morning - the migraine is back.  I'm not sure what's going on but that's another topic for another day. 

FOR TODAY:  I am thinking of each of the four agreements and how they can really make a difference in daily living. 

"Don't take things personally." 

This one has made a difference in my driving. Yep, you read that right, my driving!  You see, tailgaiters really irritate me.  And with the Prius there has to be something about that back windshield because ever since we bought the Prius it seems like it's easier to see tailgaiters - or some strange optical illusion makes other drivers "appear closer" than they really are.  Whatever the case -- tailgaiters really bug me!  Rude drivers bug me in general.  People are in such a hurry these days - so they'll zoom by, flip you off, and meet you at the next stop light. (Wow - THAT got you far buddy.  What did it gain you ... maybe a momentary feeling of being 30 seconds ahead?)

But I am trying to not take things personally.  What's it to me if another driver wants to go faster than I'm going?  What's the big deal really?  It's nothing personal - it's not a judgement on my driving.  They want to go faster and that's their choice.  Period. 

I need to stop making assumptions about other people, their behavior, their decisions.

So to sum it up I'm reminded of a verse in the Bible (James 5:12) that goes something like this:  "It is even more important, my brothers and sisters, that you remember not to make a vow by the heavens or the earth or by anything. When you say 'yes,' it should always mean 'yes,' and 'no' should always mean 'no. If you can keep your word, you will avoid judgment."


Loosely translated: 

• Be impeccable with your word. 
• Let your yes be yes and your no be no. 
• Be honest. 
• Speak your truth. 
• Don't take anything personally
• Don't make assumptions about others, and
• ALWAYS do your best.

This week I have spoken the truth.  I've said what I've wanted to say.  At times I've determined it's best to keep my thoughts to myself.  But I've been impeccable with my word.  And to my surprise - being impeccable with my word (also known as being true to myself) allowed me to take better care of myself yesterday and be true enough to give myself  permission to stay home and try to feel better.
That's a big step.  An improvement.

Growth.

I would like to encourage you to check out this book, "The Four Agreements" ( hopefully it's available at your local library).  Make an honest attempt to follow those four steps above ...

Deliberately.