Deliberate Day 5

I must say I am LOVING spending time deliberately blogging.  I have missed this immensely!  It's even hard for me to sleep some nights because my mind is racing with ideas, things to think out, things to write out.  Here's what's rolling around in this brain of mine today:

* or *
Choose Your Friends Wisely

I haven't decided which of the above title's is better for this blog.  And, although the following bullet points started out as an overview/outline for the blog, I think it will actually work just fine as the blog. 

• I do not like drama.  If you are a person who enjoys drama, I am not the friend for you.
• If you are a person who talks in "riddles" on your Facebook page to get an "anonymous message" out to people because you don't have the guts to confront them face to face, I am not the friend for you.
• If you are a whiner, complainer, instigator or irritator, I am not the friend for you.
• If you will talk TO me about someone else behind their back I will assume you will, in due time, talk ABOUT me to someone else behind my back.  You are not the friend for me.

Uh - Dear GOD (not meant as a prayer - meant more as a "What the heck?") - I simply do not get what is with people.  I used to think I had a problem making friends but after careful (and deliberate) consideration this past six months I have decided I really don't have a problem making friends.  I am just extremely selective in those I want to be friends with.  I like people - I really do.  But I do not like drama.  I do not like negativity. I don't like chronic complaining. 

I guess a question I'm really trying to figure out is:  Is it a requirement to talk about other people in order to form a close friendship with a person or can a friendship really and truly be forged without gossip? 

  

I recently was in an uncomfortable situation.  A person I know said she no longer wanted to be friends with another person we both know. Flat out it was requested that I act like I didn't know anything if this (other) mutual acquaintance asked me about it.

Really?  You want me to lie on your behalf because you don't have the courage to tell someone you don't want to be friends with them anymore? 

I'm sorry - are you really wondering why you don't have friends?

Right then and there I made a decision to keep my distance from the first person asking me to lie on her behalf.  I simply am not looking for a close relationship with that type of individual.

I appreciate someone who can and will be honest but if the subject matter they need to broach is touchy, at least go to the person (with whom you have the issue) yourself and, in the process, be kind. 

Be truthful but gentle. 

Some people take pride in the fact that they will "... tell it like it is and if you don't like it, that's your problem."  Hmm, okay.  Some almost appear to believe that their ability to confront gives them the license to be abrupt and rude in their delivery.  

I wouldn't take pride in being rude or unkind.

And I don't want those individuals close in my life.  Period. 

There's a proverb that goes something like this:  "A man [woman] that hath friends must show him[her]self friendly."  (18:24)

It's true and I think it's really that simple.  I felt sorry for the person who asked me to lie on her behalf because she is unable to see how she is treating people.  She, like many, often makes mention of Satan being the reason she's unhappy.  Hm, really?  A lot of times we give the devil way too much credit for our misery.  We just don't want to accept responsibility for our own actions.  There used to be a skit on "Laugh In" that starred the comedian Flip Wilson.  Whenever Flip would say or do something that was not right he would say, "The devil made me do it." 

Nah.  The devil didn't make you say or do anything.  You chose the action.  You chose the comment.  The devil isn't responsible for many of our actions.  We make choices.  A sign of maturity is to accept responsibility (and all of the consequences) that come along with our choices and actions.

For me, I'm turning 50 in two months.  My last child is going to turn 18 yrs., he's graduating high school and he's entering the Marines. 

My life is changing. 

This is the time for me to make deliberate choices with regard to who I want to include in my close circle of friends.  I do like people and I do want friends, but I don't need friends just to have a "numbers of friends."

I just want true friends.  I am extremely selective in my friendships and I am guarded.  I'm not afraid of people - there is a difference between selective/guarded and afraid. 

In summation: When evaluating the establishment of a new friendship a person has but one thing to decide:  Is this person the type of person with whom you should go the distance or keep your distance?

And remember -
Be true to yourself - Trust yourself - Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you - Be a person who brings out the best in others.
Deliberately.