Well, it's Day 4 of a migraine. I would love to deliberately make it go away! But that doesn't sound like the makings of a very positive blog so ... forging ahead:
"The Four Agreements."
This is the title of a book I finished reading earlier this week. It's written by Don Miguel Ruiz and it's in the "New Age" section of your Barnes and Nobles bookstore. Good read. A little over my head if I'm being completely honest but still, a good read.
On this, Deliberate Day 4, I thought I would try to push the migraine fog aside and share some of what I gleaned from this little paperback gem. The Four Agreements include the following:
- BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.
- DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
- DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
- ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
In one situation this week I had a decision to make. Ultimately, what made that decision easiest for me was being truthful with myself as to how I wanted to proceed. I stated my truth to the person with whom I had to address the decision. I completely stated my reasoning for why I was not going to do something. Then - I didn't take her response in return personal. (It seemed as though the person might have made some assumptions about my decision even though I was very honest with my reasoning. But I will not assume that she made assumptions or ... I'd be making assumptions about her assumptions! ha) In thinking over the decision I made - I think it was the best decision I could make at the time but I'm also confronted with the reality that it was a fear based decision. I was being asked to attend a get-together where I only knew one other person. Anyone who knows me at all knows I am extremely (almost to the point of a phobia) afraid of going out with anybody other than family members. I have one friend who I have been attending the symphony/orchestra with recently and, while it was originally out of my comfort zone to go I'm so glad I did. It gets easier.
So ... I will revisit the subject of facing the unknown and stepping out of my comfort zone very soon in an upcoming blog!
In the mean time -- I did the BEST I could based on how I was feeling (migraine/stress) and the information I had about who would be at the get-together. I only knew the host. What would I talk about? Would subjects I was uncomfortable discussing (i.e. work) come up in a negative way? How would I respond? I still really need to work on my fear of the unknown but I believe at this time I did my personal best to come up with a decision and I hope I didn't make anyone feel rejected in the process. It's difficult at times to be true to yourself, to speak your truth and to know that others may read more in to it, personalize it and not take you at your word. But that is not on me - that's on them. On this day I rest peacefully knowing that I really meant well and my decision to bow out of the activity was not a reflection on the invitee. It was simply the decision that I could rest comfortably with personally.
Maybe in time I won't hesitate when I'm invited out. Maybe in time ...
I do think if I would face this fear going out would get a lot easier.
(Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to leave my house, etc. I just have a great deal of difficulty going out one on one with someone else or going to an event where I am not with Chuck or the kids and I don't know many people. I do not like awkward silences and ... it's just who I up to this point in time.)
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Another situation in which I was able to practice the above was with regards to my job. I didn't go in to work yesterday because I was being impeccable with my word - my word to myself. I really do not like to call in sick to a job where I have been a faithful employee for 13 years. I also do not like to let my fellow (very faithful) co-workers down. So ... against my better judgement I made that drive in to work yesterday - having to pull off the road twice on the way in. I had one of the worst migraines I have ever had. (Lately they have all seemed like the "worst migraine I've ever had" ... what's up with that?) By the time I got to work, retrieved the various stacks I needed to retrieve from the main building and walked in to my own my office I quickly realized I was not being impeccable with my own word to myself. I had promised myself after the last migraine episode that I would not force myself to work the next time I felt like that. I had made a promise to myself but I wasn't keeping the promise to myself in an effort to make other people happy. But I remembered what I had learned about being impeccable with my own word to myself and as I sat down at my desk with the most throbbing headache ever I made a decision.
I kept a promise to myself yesterday morning.
On the way home I decided to stop by the lab (with a slip for 8 blood tests requested by my doctor in a previous days appointment to figure out what's up), after which I came straight home, darkened my bedroom as best I could, broke down and took more migraine medication, and attempted to sleep it off.
It felt better late in the afternoon but this morning - the migraine is back. I'm not sure what's going on but that's another topic for another day.
FOR TODAY: I am thinking of each of the four agreements and how they can really make a difference in daily living.
"Don't take things personally."
This one has made a difference in my driving. Yep, you read that right, my driving! You see, tailgaiters really irritate me. And with the Prius there has to be something about that back windshield because ever since we bought the Prius it seems like it's easier to see tailgaiters - or some strange optical illusion makes other drivers "appear closer" than they really are. Whatever the case -- tailgaiters really bug me! Rude drivers bug me in general. People are in such a hurry these days - so they'll zoom by, flip you off, and meet you at the next stop light. (Wow - THAT got you far buddy. What did it gain you ... maybe a momentary feeling of being 30 seconds ahead?)
But I am trying to not take things personally. What's it to me if another driver wants to go faster than I'm going? What's the big deal really? It's nothing personal - it's not a judgement on my driving. They want to go faster and that's their choice. Period.
I need to stop making assumptions about other people, their behavior, their decisions.
So to sum it up I'm reminded of a verse in the Bible (James 5:12) that goes something like this: "It is even more important, my brothers and sisters, that you remember not to make a vow by the heavens or the earth or by anything. When you say 'yes,' it should always mean 'yes,' and 'no' should always mean 'no. If you can keep your word, you will avoid judgment."
Loosely translated:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
- Be honest.
- Speak your truth.
- Don't take anything personally
- Don't make assumptions about others, and
- ALWAYS do your best.
This week I have spoken the truth. I've said what I've wanted to say. At times I've determined it's best to keep my thoughts to myself. But I've been impeccable with my word. And to my surprise - being impeccable with my word (also known as being true to myself) allowed me to take better care of myself yesterday and be true enough to give myself permission to stay home and try to feel better.
That's a big step. An improvement.
Growth.
I would like to encourage you to check out this book, "The Four Agreements" ( hopefully it's available at your local library). Make an honest attempt to follow those four steps above ...
Deliberately.
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