Choices ...

So I am off to the urologist for another (follow-up) appointment tomorrow.  The stones have not passed - which is not unusual at this point - but the pain ... UGH!

I totally need to work and function and drive, and cook, and provide for my family, and carpool and ...

If you're a mom - you know what I mean.

Yesterday the pain hit about 1/2 hour after I got to my desk.  I knew I had almost 6 hours before I had to drive so I actually broke down, called the lead of our department and told her I was going to take one half of my prescribed dosage (one teaspoon) of Vicodin.  I don't like taking pain medication though ... I cannot continue to have the bowel issues associated with the surgery alone - let alone add pain medication to that. 

And then today ... wow!  The pain came on so suddenly and was SO intense -- I seriously didn't think I'd be able to stand it.  I so wanted to be home curled up but ... I think movement is much more recommended (as opposed to sitting or laying still).

I hope this is resolved soon.  I can literally be feeling absolutely 100% fine one second and then the next second I am doubling over trying to find a comfortable position.  There aren't a whole lot of "comfortable" positions behind a desk chair.

Honestly, I am not a wimp.  I know myself.  I don't want attention.  I can deal with discomfort.  My son, Daniel, was a BIG kid ... and he was (as the OBGYN put it) "Sunnyside Up" which apparently can make even a little and/or average sized baby more difficult to deliver. 

Daniel was 10 pounds 3 oz.!  He was not a "little/average" sized guy.  I can still remember the delivery doc remarking that Daniel could've taken a football and walked himself down to the nursery upon his arrival on this earth!  I can remember Dr. Honeychurch saying, "Make no mistake - you just delivered one BIG kid!".  Just for the record (and this is probably a repeat because it is one of my prouder moments in life) ... I did not have any medication during his delivery whatsoever.  My other two babies were C-sections but I feel like I was very strong during those deliveries.  My first baby, a girl, wasn't a planned C-section and I pushed for quite a while in the hospital before a decision was made by my OBGYN to do a caesarean.  I never yelled or cried or screamed during that labor.  The "worst" part about the delivery was when I felt the need to push and was told not to because they decided I couldn't deliver her naturally. 

How do you stop pushing when your body says, "Sorry lady - but this baby wants out ... NOW!"  She didn't know she wouldn't fit ... she was coming.  I remember feeling afraid because I had seen on some stupid talk show that holding a baby in that wants to come out can cause brain damage.  THAT fear was the only "negative" part of any of my deliveries.  My last son, a planned c-section, turned out to be the "smallest" of our litter (ha) ... arriving at 9 pounds 11 ounces.

So yes - I can tolerate pain. 

This pain is weird.  While it is manageable ... it's just so different from anything I have ever felt before. 

Sudden.  Intense.  Disabling.  Extreme. 

Those are four adjectives that quickly come to mind to describe this. 

Post gastric bypass.  It changes things:  Habits, body size, how your body functions (or doesn't).  Right now I'd still do it all again but ... I do wish I was better prepared for the setbacks and -- this particular pain.

It seems like it would've been so much easier to discipline myself to not have that second helping of food, that cookie, those fries, that extra dollop of sour cream and butter on that baked potato...

Choices. 

It's all about choices.

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That's all for now but, as always, I'll keep you ... posted.