YOU are HERE ...

I feel like I spent the entire evening in bed last night tossing and turning.  I am certain I actually DID sleep at some point because I can remember vivid dreams about adventure racing (of course yours truly was the adventurer!- ha) - but I feel sooo unbelievably tired today nonetheless!!

My brain has been mulling over a bazillion ideas in an effort to more specifically define what I want out of this life! 

• Who am I and what exactly do I want?  (Great book with a similar title written by Shad Hemstetter by the way ... but I digress!).  ;-)
• What are my personal dreams, goals, aspirations?
• What do I want to accomplish with the rest of my time on this earth?
• How can I reach out to others and positively impact this world while at the same time fulfilling my own personal dreams (in other words - how can I balance out becoming my best self without becoming so self-centered I don't make a positive mark on this earth while I'm here)?
• How do I want my life to change (what does my life's blueprint look like following Roux en Y surgery) once I achieve my personal weight loss goals?
• How do I see exercise playing an active (pardon the pun) role in my lifestyle now?
• How am I going to assure myself that exercise and fitness become a part of my life from here on out and that adding exercise right now isn't a temporary means to an end that will fade into the background once I reach my "ultimate" goal weight?
• Is there any career that I could get into (i.e. personal training, freelance writing, etc.) that would enable me to fully embrace this new healthy lifestyle so much that it becomes deeply engrained in everything I do - as opposed to it being a temporary endeavor?
• What do I want to do adventure/endurance racing wise?  I want to define this - to nail it down!
• What type of activity(ies) do I - me, myself & I - personally & genuinely enjoy?  What might I like to do that incorporates movement and exercise and endurance while at the same time being something I would stick with over the long term?
• Once I have determined that I want to compete in a marathon, or a triathlon, or a bike-a-thon .... etc., what charity would I like to become involved in?  I would like to be driven to succeed with a fundraising goal and charity at the forefront of my endeavor(s).  What does that look like?  What group do I feel a deep passion for?

I am trying to be very specific as I go through the process of naming what it is I want to accomplish.  If I can't name it I can't claim it.  [I absolutely LOVE that saying!] 

I am working hard to decide what it is I am willing to dedicate my time and effort to bring about positive change.  I want to decide what my overall objective is?  I think if I really have a purpose for setting out to do something (i.e. - running a marathon, a triathlon, exercising with a personal trainer, etc.) my follow-through will be better because each time I slip on sneakers and get going it will be a step closer to achieving my goal.  I need to know what that goal (those goals!) truly are.

One thing I know for sure - I do not want this process in any way to be an attempt to reach someone else's dream of what my life should look like.  At the same time - I don't want to be so self-centered that I fail to positively impact other's around me. 

I am learning that I TOTALLY LOVE to see people happy and excited and achieving their dreams and goals!!  I love it when others are jubilant over their personal accomplishments!!  I felt an unbelievable amount of joy watching those Ironman participants crossing their finish lines yesterday!!  I've never done drugs but that must be what a natural high feels like ...

I swear - it REALLY made me HAPPY to see them so proud of their accomplishments.  I was somewhat surprised at how GREAT it felt every time one of the athletes crossed the finish line.  It brought me JOY!  How can I incorporate this type of experience into my every day life? 

In what way might I be able to change my career so that it fits into the over all picture of my personal best?  What type of endurance racing do I want to get involved with?  (This question truly is a matter of what, not if now!  :-)

Truth be told though - I have never pictured myself the type to participate actively in sports but I would love to bring awareness to a cause like optic nerve damage - something that I have a personal connection to because of Daniel.

I have found that, when I go to look at marathons and triathlons to compete/participate on behalf of a "cause" - the issue of optic nerve damage/stem cell research in this area/optic nerve regeneration, etc. ... it is practically non-existent.  And THIS is the one cause I can tell would get me busy!!!

I find myself wondering:  How will my son ever be able to regain his vision if no emphasis is being placed on this one cure we have been told has not been "invented" yet but could potentially help restore vision ... an optic nerve transplant!?

I am certain that my boy is not the only one in this world who suffered an illness at a young age that caused brain swelling resulting in permanent optic nerve damage and vision loss.  Where are the others out there?  This issue needs to be brought out and if not me ... then who??

Maybe I'm the one to do it ...

It seems huge and way beyond me but ... everybody has a cause.  I'm out to find mine.

As always - as I'm searching - I'll keep you ...

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