... between a rock and a hard place?

I'm stuck.

I really am stuck.

When I started this "blog" a few months back - I started it with the intention of dealing with my weight problem once and for all. I had heard from others (those who'd had success with keeping their weight off) that journaling and/or keeping track of everything you eat on a daily basis can help an individual achieve permanent weight loss. Hey! I want permanent weight loss so ... if successful people indicate this is one of the things that helped them keep their weight off ... count me in.

The thing is, I'm finding that I log on to write my weight and often end up talking about something else. Of late? God.

I wonder at times if I will figure these things out ... if I will truly find God and feel a sense of peace with where I am spiritually. I wonder if I will finally figure out why I struggle so much with my weight.

I am pretty convinced that I cannot find the answers to one without working through my questions about the other (if that makes any sense). I think I use food as a coping mechanism to deal with feelings and I have so many conflicting feelings regarding my faith lately that I think the two are going hand in hand - the struggle with both my faith and my weight.

As I've said before - it's not a journey anybody else can take for me but if they could I'd definitely pass this torch to the runner ahead of me and I'd step off the track and see who comes in first.

That's not supposed to be as much of a "woe as me" as it sounds but the answers I seek are not coming easy. I'll think about something and then a verse will come back to me that reminds me, "Nope - that's not what the Bible says."

I guess some of this comes down to how I see the Bible. Do I believe the bible is the fully inspired Word of God ... verbatim? Is it a book written during a time when cultures and rituals were much different? Was it written for people of our day? Is it a relevant book for today? If I believe some of it, do I have to believe all of it?

There are no easy answers for me right now. I'm definitely seeking.


I'll keep you posted ...