"If you can't say something nice ... "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5Bbt9extsg

... in short: I have sooo many friends that are not believers as Christians define "belief". So many good people. These friends show no interest in changing their faith, they believe they have the answers they need. For them to betray their faith would be like asking Billy Graham to betray his Christianity.

Who is to say either of them are wrong?



I know, I know ... The Bible.

Well, I'll tell you my problem with this thinking these days:



I know people who call themselves "Christians" and they are horrible people. I know a "Christian" who hurt my child and people like that think that, because they prayed the right prayer and asked Jesus into their heart "once upon a time" that makes it "okay" ... forgive and move on, right? They get the "Get Out of Jail Free" card that they can turn in when they reach the Pearly Gates and I feel guilty for not forgiving in the name of Jesus.

I have my past, too. I made mistakes along the way and wouldn't deserve the 'Get Out of Jail Free' card if my actions were held up before God during the end of my first marriage. I'm not saying I'm better than anybody else. But - there ARE people who have done better than I have on this journey and what? Because they weren't raised to pray that sinner's prayer they are forever condemned if they don't pray now because it's not something they have been raised to believe is real?

I'd like to know what makes some sinners okay but yet a person with a much more honest, ethical living is condemned to hell because they didn't say the right prayer?


One prayer?

There are verses galore to tell me why I'm wrong, why a ticket to Heaven isn't about good works "lest any man should boast" - and personally - I should be thrilled that it's not about good works because I fall so short. But at this point in my life I just don't think that what I've been taught is right any more. At least not in its entirety.

I'm not sure what I believe about Heaven or Hell or Jesus or the Bible. I know there's something much Bigger out there than me - than all of us ... but who can say for certain Who that is?

We all think we're right ... even the people who don't read the Holy Bible. They read the Book of Mormon or something else ... they have devoted their lives to service. They sacrifice, they give, they love, they help. Why are Christians the only ones who are safe?

I don't know.


I know senior citizens who are wonderful people ... I do not believe they are condemned to hell because they didn't pray the right prayer in their younger years.

I know people who have given all their possessions away because they have seen others in need but ... they don't pray to Jesus.

How in the world can they be condemned to hell? But a person that prays the last minute on a cross gets in? For real??

I sincerely hope it's not true.

I know there have been times in my life that I have sincerely, urgently, eagerly, fervently cried out to God. I've asked Him for help. I've waited - at times so patiently it's ridiculous.

Looking back? He didn't help my family when my kids were little. He didn't help my first husband when he sincerely tried to do right by our church members and no matter what - it wasn't good enough ~ a few of those church members made it their mission to beat him down and run him out. I hated that time in my life -- I hated church and a few of the individuals that attended. I cannot imagine they would have a right to occupy Heaven while another who lived a highly moral life but didn't pray "the prayer" was denied a right to occupy Heaven. I don't believe God protected my child when molestation was going on without our knowledge. I had a gut feeling about certain situations - that something wasn't right ... but I was told I was too overprotective, that I didn't have enough faith. "Let go - Let God."

Bull shit. I should've followed my gut and not listened to in-laws or church members that said I needed to entrust my kids into other's care ... I should have listened to me!

If God really cared so much about a sparrow ... ?

?

I can accept that ultimately His ways are better than mine and that I don't deserve salvation or Heaven any more than the next sinner.



But there are people who really deserve Heaven more than some frauds calling themselves Christians who, quite frankly, don't deserve to get in.


Am I bitter? I guess so. It sure sounds like it when I read this over. I just get so tired of people who are nasty, hateful, mean, hurtful, even evil - hiding in church pews or church choirs, or Sunday School classes, or church nursery's, or Christian School Day Care Centers ... and they have hidden agendas but ... they prayed the right prayer so .... it's covered.

I can't accept that.



Why doesn't God fix this? It's an age old question ... I know. "Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?" Innocent children especially!




I want to be a patient follower. But I just don't even HEAR Him when I call on Him.

Do you?

I mean REALLY??!




I'm not singling anybody out here but if you are reading this blog right now and you consider yourself a Christian -- if you believe in God - if you have accepted Jesus ... do you sincerly have that daily, close fellowship and relationship with Him? Or do you not and you just act like you do because everybody else acts like that?

It seems like a biblical version of, "The Emperor's New Clothes" sometimes. I'm not saying that God is not real .... but I am beginning to conclude that I don't know Him very well.

I want to.

If I could hear Him for myself. If I could REALLY HEAR HIM. If He would just say to me, "Be still and know that I am God" - and I wouldn't have to just read those words from a Bible translated thousands of years ago.

I want to hear from the Almighty today - well, I'm not demanding today - I'm not trying to demand any day. And I don't want to be struck by lightning for questioning ... it's a little scary to put myself out there. But honestly --

I want to hear something current. I want that peace that passeth all understanding.



Heck, I'd just like some understanding right now.

I listen to both Air 1 Radio and K-Love radio. The hosts of those shows SOUND like they have a real relationship with God. But do they? Are they just playing the part because it's part of the job description?

I want to hear from God, be assured that it's Him and build a relationship with Him. I want that more than anything else right now.


I'll keep you posted ~